Please see The Best Theories On Everything: Volume One here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

The \u201cLiking Your Own Facebook\u201d Theory:<\/strong> Liking your own Facebook status is the digital version of high-fiving yourself in public.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

The \u201c#321 Drinking\u201d Theory:<\/strong> \u201cNever trust a man who doesn’t drink, he’s got something to hide.\u201d\u00a0Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca. <\/p>\n

(Working in Utah has been difficult.)<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The \u201cLiberal Contradiction\u201d Theory:<\/strong> I believe in a woman\u2019s right to choose. I believe that allowing (mostly) wealthy white old men in Washington to decide what a struggling young woman with a cowardly, deserting boyfriend can do with her body is tragic. <\/p>\n

I am against capital punishment. I believe the state should be above the emotional whims of the people in weighing its citizens on the gravest of scales. <\/p>\n

In short, I am pro-killing the innocent and against killing the guilty. <\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

The Interviewing Theories<\/strong><\/p>\n

The \u201cNeither Of You Wants To Be There\u201d Theory:<\/strong> The interviewer doesn\u2019t want to be there, either. To start, talk about the NFL playoffs (if it\u2019s a male), or the Oscars nominees\/family pictures on the bookcase (if it\u2019s a woman). <\/p>\n

The longer the small talk goes on, the better the interview. You are passing the \u201cCan I sit next to this guy on a 6 hour flight?\u201d test.<\/p>\n

The \u201cJust Be Yourself\u201d Theory:<\/strong> \u201cJust be yourself\u201d is the most hackneyed and unhelpful interview tip you can hear. \u201cJust like yourself\u201d is much more helpful.<\/p>\n

The \u201cWhat\u2019s Your Greatest Weakness\u201d Theory:<\/strong> 87.9% of all answers are some veiled version of \u201cI care too much\u201d.<\/p>\n

The \u201cBest End Of Interview Question\u201d Theory:<\/strong> \u201cWhat was the best advice you heard when you started here?\u201d <\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

The \u201cDogs Over Cats\u201d Theory:<\/strong> A dog greets you with the same unbridled joy and enthusiasm after a three-hour trip to the movies as it would following a three-month tour.<\/p>\n