The Westboro Defectors Speak: Phelps Granddaughters Embrace Tolerance<\/a> by John Avlon in The Daily Beast.<\/p>\nThe Text:<\/strong> On Thursday afternoon Megan and Grace Phelps-Roper visited the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles. They\u2019d been inside only a few minutes when they saw a photo of their family. <\/p>\nThere, as part of the permanent exhibit, was an image of their grandmother and sister at the murder trial of Matthew Shepard\u2019s killers, holding the signs for which the Westboro Baptist Church has become infamous: \u201cGod Hates Fags,\u201d \u201cAIDS Cures Gays,\u201d and \u201cMatt in Hell.\u201d <\/p>\n
This was once their way of life. Now 27, Megan had been taken to protests since age 5; her younger sister Grace had been attending since birth\u2014all as part of the Kansas ministry founded by their grandfather.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Four months ago Megan and Grace decided to take a different path. They left Westboro Baptist Church and were excommunicated by their family. Now they are embarking on an adventure in the wider world together, spurred by a determination to think for themselves and reconcile their faith with reality. In the process, they are meeting a wider array of people than they ever expected and breaking down the fear-fueled stereotypes that defined the world to them\u2014and vice versa\u2014for so long.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe were taught that what we were doing was the only thing that would help people,\u201d explains Megan. \u201cBecause from their perspective, everything bad that happens in the world is because people don\u2019t obey God. When people don\u2019t do what he says, then horrible things happen: school shootings, tornados, and hurricanes. So if I really care about people, I\u2019m going be out there with a sign … Looking back, I knew that it was hurtful emotionally for people, but I thought that if it caused somebody to believe and to obey God, then their lives would be so much better.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re taught that everyone outside the church is evil,\u201d adds Grace. \u201cAnd we couldn\u2019t change any of it, because if we disagreed, we would get in trouble.\u201d <\/p>\n
The culture of conflict bred an us-against-them identity among the church members. \u201cThey believe that Jesus said that \u2018If you follow me, the world is going to hate you,\u2019\u201d says Megan, \u201cand so when the world in fact hates their message and sometimes reacts violently, it definitely reinforces the idea that you\u2019re right.\u201d<\/p>\n
But the vicious cycle of self-reinforcement can be broken. Three years ago, Megan and Grace were in Los Angeles to protest the Jewlicious Festival\u2014a three-day extravaganza of music and food and speakers celebrating the people whom Phelps-Ropers actively believed were destined for hell. This year they are attending the festival as friends of David Abitbol, the editor of Jewlicious.com who puts on the festival each year with Rabbi Yonah Bookstein, to talk with the attendees about their change of heart.<\/p>\n
It was an initial confrontation with Abitbol that helped bring this change about\u2014a Twitter fight over whether Jews must repent turned into a longer emailed correspondence and then a meeting in person that helped crystallize some of their growing questions. It turns out that unexpected kindness can tear down walls.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere was a disconnect between the way that I felt and the way I was taught,\u201d says Megan. \u201cWe were told a lot of things that weren\u2019t true, and we assumed they were true because we didn\u2019t see any evidence otherwise. But we weren\u2019t really looking.\u201d<\/p>\n
But the understandable external impulse to paint the Phelps-Roper family as simply monsters also misses the mark. \u201cThey are very engaged and attentive parents\u2014they made sure we did well in school,\u201d says Megan. \u201cWe read the Bible every single day, and we talked about events in the world every single day. We talked about events that happened and what the church\u2019s interpretations were, every day.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSay what you will about the Westboro Baptist Church, but they raised a couple of really, really nice girls,\u201d attests David. \u201cThey are wonderful guests, super polite and super friendly. And here\u2019s my revelation: had Grandpa Phelps been my grandpa, I would have been no different. What makes Grace and Megan so remarkable is that I don\u2019t know, if I\u2019d been in the situation they had been, that I would have had the strength of character and intellectual integrity to walk away from my family.\u201d<\/p>\n
The decision to leave the confining comforts of home this past November was \u201cawful,\u201d says Grace. \u201cI hope above all that I\u2019ll get my family back one day\u2014I think about it every day. And I miss my little brother and my sister and my cousins so much.\u201d Because Grace was still in school, the girls drove into Topeka every day from nearby Lawrence, Kansas, until the end of the semester, facing daily reminders of their family and church, people who now consider them \u201cthe most evil of the most evil\u201d and \u201ccorrupters who are going to hell.\u201d<\/p>\n
For the time being, the girls are living with friends in Deadwood, South Dakota. They have traveled to Brooklyn, New York, and Des Moines, Iowa, and now L.A. again\u2014\u201cdriving around these streets that we picketed so many times on,\u201d Grace reflects with a laugh. \u201cIt\u2019s really nice not to have to be ready to fight with people at a moment\u2019s notice.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m looking forward to hearing other people\u2019s opinions and learning,\u201d she says, about her weekend at the Jewlicious Festival. \u201cI think it\u2019s so crazy how everyone believes that their way is the right way and that their religion is right. And everyone thinks that. There\u2019s so many different ways of looking at things. And when you listen to why people believe what they do and they explain it, it makes sense … I\u2019ve been so impressed with the people we\u2019ve met since we left and become friends with who are honestly seeking God and truth.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThere\u2019s so much that we didn\u2019t know about the way people believe and how they live,\u201d says Megan. \u201cAnd we thought we did. We thought we knew. And we did not have a clue.\u201d<\/p>\n
When the girls left the Museum of Tolerance on Thursday, members of the staff hugged them after hearing their story. Megan and Grace are in the opening stages of an admirable American journey armed only with the determination to engage the world with an open mind and open heart. These virtues were not taught in their home; they were learned on their own. Their transformation might give more people courage and compassion. \u201cWe definitely want to find a way to help people and to do good,\u201d says Megan. \u201cWe\u2019re just trying to figure out how to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
They already are.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The Article: The Westboro Defectors Speak: Phelps Granddaughters Embrace Tolerance by John Avlon in The Daily Beast. The Text: On Thursday afternoon Megan and Grace Phelps-Roper visited the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles. They\u2019d been inside only a few minutes when they saw a photo of their family. There, as part of the permanent […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":49,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[259],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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![\"Westboro](\"http:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/westboro-defectors.jpg\")
<\/p>\n