{"id":1886,"date":"2008-03-20T18:51:31","date_gmt":"2008-03-20T23:51:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/belvederes-ghost\/03\/20\/weekend-in-istanbul\/"},"modified":"2008-03-21T12:59:12","modified_gmt":"2008-03-21T17:59:12","slug":"weekend-in-istanbul","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/kit\/03\/20\/weekend-in-istanbul\/","title":{"rendered":"Weekend in Istanbul"},"content":{"rendered":"
Basic introduction. I’m an American expat working and living in London. I’ve actually lived in Europe for three years now and am going to start telling people that I left when Bush was re-elected because of a promise I made on the Conan O’Brien Show a la Alec Baldwin (the actor, not the douchebag who runs this site). Anyway, that’s a lie (about leaving because of Bush’s re-election, not about Alec being a douche) and I’ve actually seen some interesting things in my years abroad. This particular incident is not necessarily that interesting, but what the hell this is a blog. I was in Istanbul with my fiancee last weekend and recounted this anecdote about the Turkish Capital to a half-Turkish half-American friend of ours who gave us some tips on what to do there. The conversation is as follows: <\/p>\n ME (BEARDO) AND CARPET DEALER (BATTLE TROLL OF MORDOR)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/span>1:12 PM\u00a0<\/span>Alhan<\/span><\/span>: haha<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>thats good enough<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>poor guy<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>so next story…<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>: hold<\/span><\/span>1:13 PM\u00a0<\/span>okay<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>next story, and i’m sure i’m going to have to talk to kristine to fill in the gaps<\/span><\/span>1:14 PM\u00a0<\/span>and his is more of a shuttle driver story than a carpet store story but it’s related to a carpet guy<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>so our last day we book this shuttle service to go to the airport, because it’s the far airport way outside the city that easyjet passengers take and it’s kind of a long way, so this is the cheapest way to do it<\/span><\/span>1:15 PM\u00a0<\/span>so we get in and kristine already starts to complain, because on the way into the city we had an entire shuttle to ourselves because we arrived late at night, and now on the way back to the airport all three rows had people in them<\/span><\/span>1:16 PM\u00a0<\/span>and i’m like, it’s not that bad, we have a row to ourselves, please calm down, etc.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>doesn’t stop her, but whatever<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>we start driving, and there’s a driver and then his friend in the passenger seat who seems to be there for no reason at all other than to speak with the driver in turkish and keep him company<\/span><\/span>1:17 PM\u00a0<\/span>anyways, we head off and are taking\u00a0a very long convoluted path and i realize we’re not actually leaving just yet<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>we have to pick up more people along the way<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>and i’m just praying they don’t fill this stupid van,for kristine’s sake, and the sake of my ears<\/span><\/span>1:18 PM\u00a0<\/span>anyway, they do start to fill the van<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>drive five minutes<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>stop<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>pick someone up<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>drive ten minutes<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
12:42 PM\u00a0<\/span>Alhan<\/span><\/span>: looks like i dont have access to that photo<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>maybe i need to be “friends” with kristine<\/span><\/span>12:43 PM\u00a0<\/span>maybe you could email the photos?<\/span><\/span>12:44 PM\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>: just befriend kristine<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>but i’ll email said photos<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>okay<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>here’s the first story<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>our first full day we go to the blue mosque and it’s really beautiful of course<\/span><\/span>12:46 PM\u00a0<\/span>we start to go through the first entrance and this little middle-aged turkish dude in a like old, grey 90s style suit comes up to us and starts trying to chat us up<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>and he’s like, “you’re supposed to go this way my friend, I’ll show you exactly where to go”<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>hold<\/span><\/span>12:48 PM\u00a0<\/span>back on<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>anyway, he’s like “I’ll show you where to go and afterwards I’ll show you my carpet store”<\/span><\/span>12:49 PM\u00a0<\/span>and we’re like, “no, no, thank you, thank you, that’s very nice but we just want to do it ourselves.”<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>and he says, “no, no, you don’t understand, i show you where to go, you do it yourselves, and then we talk on other side!”<\/span><\/span>12:50 PM\u00a0<\/span>and he just starts following us as we head through the main entranceway up to the actual mosque<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>and both my fiancee and i are too big pussies to tell him to go away<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>so i stupidly start answering his questions, because i don’t want to be rude, and talking to him<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>and he’s like “so where are you from?”<\/span><\/span>12:51 PM\u00a0<\/span>and i tell him “kristine’s swedish, but my mother’s french and my father’s american and i’m from the states”<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>and he’s like, “oh, i’ve been to the states before it’s very nice, I love seattle and my daughter goes to school in america”<\/span><\/span>12:52 PM\u00a0<\/span>and to be polite i’m like, “where does she go to school?”<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>and he’s like emory university<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>and that’s where I went to school, so i was kind of surprised, because there are only really like 6,000 undergraduate students there, so the odds are incredibly small, so i tell him i went to emory and try to make that a mutual point of conversation<\/span><\/span>12:53 PM\u00a0<\/span>and he does not seem impressed, and starts going off on a typical schpeel about how, “people are people, and we’re all the same, and it doesn’t matter where your from, etc.etc.”<\/span><\/span>12:54 PM\u00a0<\/span>and in my head i’m thinking, well we actually have something in common and you’re trying to sell me a carpet by giving me the same idiotic speech you give everybody? how bad of a salesman are you? but I ask him what his daughter is studying, to try to get back on topic<\/span><\/span>12:57 PM\u00a0<\/span>and he’s like, “middle eastern studies” and i’m like, “it’s a very nice school and a good department” and he’s like “yeah, yeah,” and goes right back to the speech! and starts advising us on how we have to take our shoes off when we get into the mosque, because we would not have figured that out from the signs in english, the security guards and the fact that everybody else around us was doing the same, and he continues to give us these very pertinent pieces of advice, like “go in through there” and “i’ll meet you on the other side” and i know kristine’s looking at me like, “oh fuck, what have you done.”<\/span><\/span>12:59 PM\u00a0<\/span>so we go in, and it’s incredibly beautiful and we’re both very impressed, but i know kristine’s nervous about that guy, cuz we’ve had a bad history of being followed around in foreign (generally muslim) countries by people we don’t know who want to “befriend” us and show us around, etc. and i’m looking at her, like, “what kind of a retard do you think i am if you think i’m going to follow this guy around for god knows how long when we have other things to do.” Anyway, we leave the mosque and the guy is of course there waiting for us<\/span><\/span>1:00 PM\u00a0<\/span>and while we put our shoes on i’m trying to steer his rants back to the idea that we actually do have things in common by talking about emory, but he just sort of shrugs me off and says that it’s incredibly expensive (which of course it is)<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>and we’re ready to go<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>and he’s like “come with me, this way, we’re going to see my carpet store now”<\/span><\/span>1:01 PM\u00a0<\/span>and i’m all sort of quiet and not very agressive, but telling him, no actually, we have a friend of a friend we have to meet at the grand bazaar who owns a carpet store already and we are meant to go there<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>and he’s like, “no, no, no you don’t understand” like we were confused about something and he was going to make everything clear<\/span><\/span>1:02 PM\u00a0<\/span>“you don’t need to buy the carpets, you just need to come to the store and look at them! Now come with me.”<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>and we’re like sorry dude, thanks anyway and we kind of slink off<\/span><\/span>1:03 PM\u00a0<\/span>and he looks at us all indignant and pathetic and what not, and i can’t help but feel sorry for the poor bastard, because i know that yearly tuition at emory with room and board is $35,000 plus and that was five years ago, so it’s probably like $40,000 by now, but for fuck’s sake did he really think we were going to go with him?<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>fin<\/span><\/span><\/span>1:04 PM\u00a0<\/span>Alhan<\/span><\/span>: yeah they do that<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>its true<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>you couldnt feel too sorry for him<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>they play on that<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>so is that the tragic one?<\/span><\/span>1:07 PM\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>: yah<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>that’s the “tragic” one<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>i thought it was kind of funny though<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span>Alhan<\/span><\/span>: did he say his name at any point?<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>: but the second one is actually funny, funny<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>oh shit<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>let me call kristine<\/span><\/span>1:09 PM\u00a0<\/span>he didn’t introduce himself properly kristine said<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>and if he did i missed it<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span>Alhan<\/span><\/span>: what did he look like<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>: oh, the other thing is he kept calling us “brothers and sisters”<\/span><\/span>1:10 PM\u00a0<\/span>kristine: “short, bald,big eyes, he looked sort of like a small version of those big monsters in lord of the rings number three, the big ogre things with one eye”<\/span><\/span>1:11 PM\u00a0<\/span>i’m terrible at describing people<\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>BLUE MOSQUE ENTRYWAY\u00a0\u00a0INSIDE THE BLUE MOSQUE\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n