{"id":5461,"date":"2010-07-19T05:00:24","date_gmt":"2010-07-19T09:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/?p=5461"},"modified":"2014-03-03T10:31:04","modified_gmt":"2014-03-03T15:31:04","slug":"2010-half-year-in-review","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/anonymous_banker\/07\/19\/2010-half-year-in-review\/","title":{"rendered":"2010 Half Year In Review"},"content":{"rendered":"

We threw everything at it. Trash, dog hair, \u201ccontainment domes.\u201d We even called in Kevin Costner\u2019s goofy ping-pong ball machine. But the oil kept on gushing. Only BP\u2019s lies could keep up. BP first reported 210,000 gallons were spurting out a day, if that. The latest estimate is between 1.5 and 2.5 million gallons were leaking into the Gulf. (Or one 1989 Exxon Valdez catastrophe every 4-7 days.) We are holding our breath that BP finally capped the leak last Thursday, but you\u2019ll understand if we\u2019re still a tad skeptical.<\/p>\n

<\/iframe><\/p>\n<\/p>\nChocolate-colored pelicans. Florida children playing on oil-slicked beaches. Daughter Malia asking Daddy Obama, \u201cDid you plug the hole yet?\u201d All the hallmarks from the greatest environmental disaster in U.S. history. Now, to call it the Gulf Coast Oil Spill is a misnomer. The BP Oil Leak is more accurate. The Gulf had nothing to do with this. The Brits are entirely to blame. And tankers spill oil. Millions of gallons of oil angrily surging from Mother Earth are something else entirely.<\/p>\nWe keep throwing money at it. The EU tried injecting a trillion dollars to immunize against The Greek Contagion. Too bad Spain and Portugal already caught it. Obama debates to spend-or-not-to-spend to ward off a Double Dip. All the while, the Feds quietly shutter another couple regional banks come Friday afternoon. Again and again in 2010 our best laid plans crumbled in the face of Nature and our own hubris. The Great Recession cares little for our governments\u2019 models and corollaries. <\/p>\nIt\u2019s a good thing Time Magazine doles out its Person of the Year award in December because through the first six months Wild is trouncing Man in a landslide. Twin earthquakes abruptly rocked Haiti (7.0 Magnitude) and Chile (8.8) before they were just as abruptly forgotten by the U.S. press. An Icelandic volcano grounded trans-Atlantic flights and befuddled us with its pronunciation: Eyj\u2026 (OK, does anyone pronounce anything when they read that volcano’s name? Or are you like me and just completely skip it and think nothing but silence in your head…)<\/p>\n<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Bulging Eyes Volcano Guy\" src=\" http:\/\/images.plurk.com\/5068047_cb7eddef2f29f26375e92b0b4c94befa.jpg\" title=\"Damn Volcano WTF\" class=\"aligncenter\" width=\"604\" height=\"338\" \/><\/p>\nWhy do we keep doing this? Why do we still make things we know we can\u2019t fix? Why do we keep cobbling together these rickety Megalith-symbols-turned-ultra-expensive-metaphors? Forget Enlightenment. It\u2019s been a half-year of Sturm und Drang. 6+ months reminding us it\u2019s Earth\u2019s Earth. We\u2019re just living on it. Forget Too Big To Fail. In 2010 nothing is Too Small Not To. A blown transformer on the oil rig. Apple\u2019s iPhone 4 prized jewel needs duct tape to make it work. And a technical glitch plummeted the Dow 1,000 points this May.<\/p>\nTurns out, the Oracle doesn\u2019t hail from Omaha. He\u2019s a two year old invertebrate from the Berlin Zoo. Paul the Octopus correctly foretold all eight of his World Cup predictions, including Spain\u2019s final win over the Dutch. (The odds were 1:255.) Paul is retired now, but PR firms estimate he could be the first ever millionaire octopus\u2014pegging his fame and worth at $4.5 million. Yet even Paul the Octopus would turn green in envy of these guys\u2019 2010 years:<\/p>\nWINNERS<\/strong><\/p>\nPERSON OF THE HALF-YEAR, BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN:<\/strong> I have no idea who you are. Girls tell me a) you were on \u201c90210\u201d and b) you are generally a lame human being. Nonetheless, you somehow convinced Megan Fox to marry you. This is a miracle but not unprecedented. Julia Roberts once married Lyle Lovett until she realized he was\u2026 Lyle Lovett. And supermodel Adriana Lima is married to Marco Juric, a guy averaging 2.6 points a night off the bench for the Memphis Grizzlies. <\/p>\n<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/megan-fox-hot-and-sweaty.jpg\" alt=\"Megan Fox Hot And Sweaty Picture\" title=\"megan-fox-hot-and-sweaty\" width=\"552\" height=\"383\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-5464\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/megan-fox-hot-and-sweaty.jpg 552w, https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/megan-fox-hot-and-sweaty-200x138.jpg 200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 552px) 100vw, 552px\" \/><\/p>\nFor reminding bros everywhere of the old \u201cDumb & Dumber\u201d line \u2014 <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=KX5jNnDMfxA\">\u201cSo you\u2019re telling me there\u2019s a chance!?!\u201d<\/a> \u2014 Brian Austin Green, you are 2010\u2019s Person Of The Half-Year. <\/p>\nNOURIEL ROUBINI<\/strong>: He\u2019s Nostradamus. If Nostradamus was Turkish and had to teach economics to snobby NYU kids. Roubini has nailed the Great Recession going back to his 2006 warning that the U.S. housing market was about to go bust. Roubini is on every financial minister\u2019s speed dial and Foreign Policy magazine just named him the #4 top thinker on the globe. Want more evidence it\u2019s been a rough year? It\u2019s probably not a good sign that the nickname of 2010\u2019s most prescient mammal is Dr. Doom.<\/p>\nTHE KARDASHIANS:<\/strong> It\u2019s good to be famous for \u2026 no real reason. Kim gets paid $10,000 a tweet. Kourtney just gave birth to an adorable son Mason. And Khloe (somehow) snagged an LA Laker. Your smash-hit reality TV show \u201cKeeping Up With The Kardashians\u201d returns for a 5th season next month on E!<\/p>\nNot to mention you have the Midas touch with athletic significant others. Every overrated sports star you date wins the championship. (See: Bush, Reggie; Odom, Lamar.) You must get it from your Mama. Because the overbearing Step Dad? He\u2019s Bruce Jenner, the 1976 Olympic decathlon gold medalist.<\/p>\nELIN NORDEGREN & SANDRA BULLOCK:<\/strong> You go girls! Your celebrity husbands cheated on you with porn stars (among others). But you weathered the heartbreak and ensuing media firestorm with poise and grace. Miss Nordegren, in 9 months you will go from getting to bash in your fleeing husband\u2019s SUV with a golf club to winning at least $100 million and the kids in the pending divorce. (Go On. Beat A Tiger.) Miss Congeniality, you donated $1 million to Haiti earthquake relief and adopted a beautiful baby from New Orleans.<\/p>\n<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/tiger-woods-wife.jpg\" alt=\"Tiger Woods Hot Wife\" title=\"tiger-woods-wife\" width=\"320\" height=\"399\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-5465\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/tiger-woods-wife.jpg 320w, https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/07\/tiger-woods-wife-160x200.jpg 160w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 320px) 100vw, 320px\" \/><\/p>\nTHE REVENGE OF GAIA EARTH:<\/strong> It\u2019s Global Weirding, Thomas Friedman warns us. Not Global Warming. During February\u2019s blizzard of Washington, the family of Republican Senator James Inhofe of Oklahoma sculpted an igloo next to the Capitol with a sign reading \u201cAl Gore\u2019s New Home.\u201d Meanwhile, across the continent, Canada had to import snow to Vancouver for the Winter Olympics we forgot happened. It got to the point this Winter where Republicans virtually cheered for freak snowstorms.<\/p>\n5 months later, the same skeptics were mysteriously silent during the East Coast\u2019s record July Heat Wave. Or when the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) reported 2010 is on pace to be the warmest year since record-keeping began in 1880. Last Friday, British Open organizers had to delay play because\u2026 of extreme wind. Even the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.break.com\/index\/meteorologist-freaks-out-over-blizzard.html\">Weather Guy lost his mind trying to keep up<\/a>.<\/p>\nGOLD:<\/strong> In a sign of the times, Cash For Gold could afford a Super Bowl ad in 2009 starring MC Hammer. 18 months later, they could probably afford to rename the entire NFL. Gold surged to a record-high $1260+ per ounce earlier this year as skittish investors took cover in the metal as a safe haven.<\/p>\nTHAT TAIWANESE KID WITH A BOWL HAIR CUT WHO SINGS WHITNEY HOUSTON BETTER THAN \u2026 WHITNEY<\/strong>: <\/p>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"800\" height=\"600\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/UB2Tl0xOqbI?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\nHONORABLE MENTION:<\/strong> The Atlanta Braves, Brazil (except the soccer team), \u201cI Write Like\u201d Website (even if you did say I write like Dan Brown), \u201cInception\u201d, Justin Bieber, Jonah Hill, a.k.a Our Generation\u2019s John Belushi, Michelle Obama, The Old Spice Guy, Spanish Athletes.<\/p>\n<center>*******<\/strong><\/center><\/p>\nTop 6 Quotes Of The Half-Year<\/strong><\/p>\n6) “F— my victims. I carried them for 20 years and now I’m doing 150.” \u2013 Inmate #61727-054, Bernie Madoff<\/p>\n5) “I don’t sit around just talking to experts because this is a college seminar, we talk to these folks because they potentially have the best answers\u2013so I know whose ass to kick.” \u2013President Barack Obama, on the BP Oil Leak<\/p>\n4) “I think the Vatican – they’ve got more to talk about than the Beatles.” -Ringo Starr, on a Vatican newspaper lauding the band 40 years after they broke up.<\/p>\n3) “I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems.” \u2013Super-Intelligent Gay, Empathetic Singer Elton John.<\/p>\n2) “This is a big f—ing deal.” -US vice-president Joe Biden, on passage of healthcare program.<\/p>\n1) “I’ll do my f—– best.” -Lady Gaga, asked whether she would cut down on coarse language in her next show.<\/p>\nAnd Finally The #1 Bush-ism Of 2010<\/strong><\/p>\nPresident George W. Bush \u201cgetting his hands dirty\u201d for Haiti humanitarian relief:<\/p>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/wlgM2urPB8Q?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n\u201cThe Half-Yearish In Review: Part 2\u201d premieres Thursday, featuring The Biggest Losers Of 2010. (NBC, take a bow.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"We threw everything at it. Trash, dog hair, \u201ccontainment domes.\u201d We even called in Kevin Costner\u2019s goofy ping-pong ball machine. But the oil kept on gushing. Only BP\u2019s lies could keep up. BP first reported 210,000 gallons were spurting out a day, if that. The latest estimate is between 1.5 and 2.5 million gallons were […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":10676,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[259],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n<title>2010 Half Year In Review - Prose Before Hos<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We threw everything at it. Trash, dog hair, \u201ccontainment domes.\u201d We even called in Kevin Costner\u2019s goofy ping-pong ball machine. 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