{"id":8513,"date":"2011-09-06T11:35:07","date_gmt":"2011-09-06T15:35:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/?p=8513"},"modified":"2012-12-26T21:57:08","modified_gmt":"2012-12-27T02:57:08","slug":"could-you-fight-off-serena-williams","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/sports-editor\/09\/06\/could-you-fight-off-serena-williams\/","title":{"rendered":"Could You Fight Off Serena Williams?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cDad, do you think \u2014 if I had to \u2014 I could beat Serena Williams in a fight?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNo chance. Serena Williams has more testosterone than you do.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWith those thighs? She\u2019d scissor you to death,\u201d my dad\u2019s girlfriend added. <\/p>\n<p>To be clear: I do not wish to fight Serena Williams. She is a post-racial ambassador for the game who transcended it. An inspiration to daughters, mothers, and grandmothers everywhere. I grew misty-eyed when she countered her sister Venus in the 2002 French Open finals.<\/p>\n<p>But suppose the 27-time Grand Slam titlist was overtaken by a seething fit of rage. Could you fend her off?<\/p>\n<p>On a tennis court, no. Her forehand is the stuff of legend. Serena\u2019s serve clocks up to 129 MPH and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=nnkRVWoZ0-A\">fells All-American defensive linemen<\/a>. Serena\u2019s ground-game would prove formidable. Her aforementioned thunder thighs would suffocate me instantly.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m a bro in my mid-twenties. I endured years of rough-and-tumble fights with my brother until my innovation of the head-butt ushered in a Pax Fraternus. I run every-day and bench every other. Nonetheless, Madden is the closest I\u2019ve come to a tackle in the last three months. I lack any martial arts training but for Intro to Karate my Senior year of college (I passed).<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>But who would win in a boxing ring? In a fair fight\u2014sans head-butting and Python thighs death grips?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Tale of the Tape:<\/strong> Tie. 5\u201910\u201d, 150 lbs.<\/p>\n<p>1) Serena Williams\u2019 weight has been widely disputed from 130-180 lbs.<\/p>\n<p>2) For the record, Googling: \u201cHow much does Serena Williams weigh?\u201d in line at Chipotle leads to some very perplexed looks.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Advantage:<\/strong> &#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/serena-muscles.jpg\" alt=\"Serena Williams Muscles\" title=\"serena-muscles\" width=\"257\" height=\"350\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8514\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/serena-muscles.jpg 257w, https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/serena-muscles-146x200.jpg 146w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 257px) 100vw, 257px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Serena, 15-Love<\/p>\n<p><strong>Endurance:<\/strong> Serena Williams sprints up the last half mile to her California mansion. She grinds out an hour of cardio every other day.<\/p>\n<p>I run 5 miles every week day, 9 on hangover-less weekend days.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Advantage:<\/strong> Me. Albeit, there is nowhere to run in a boxing ring. 15-All<\/p>\n<p><strong>Diet:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Serena: 5-6 smaller meals a day cultivated by world-class nutritionists. Typically grilled chicken or fish and steamed veggies <\/p>\n<p>Weakness: Cherry pie.<\/p>\n<p>Me: A dude\u2019s cornucopia of Chick Fil A, pizza, and occasionally Thai delivery<\/p>\n<p>Weakness: Rice Krispy treats, Open Bars<\/p>\n<p><strong>Advantage:<\/strong> Serena, 30-15 <\/p>\n<p><strong>X-Factor:<\/strong> Rage<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIf I could, I&#8217;d take this ******* ball and shove it down your ******* throat!\u201d Serena Williams bellowed to Japanese lineswoman Shino Tsurubuchi. <\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/serena-rage.jpg\" alt=\"Serena Williams Rage\" title=\"serena-rage\" width=\"284\" height=\"450\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-8515\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/serena-rage.jpg 284w, https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/serena-rage-126x200.jpg 126w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 284px) 100vw, 284px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>The diminutive lineswoman scampered to the safety of the head judge\u2019s chair. Serena Williams, in hot pursuit. The lineswoman had the audacity to call a foot fault on Serena during a pivotal semifinals point in the 2009 U.S. Open. After clubbing her racket on court earlier, Serena Williams was docked two points and the match to Kim Clijsters.<br \/>\nAn on-court microphone picked up Serena pleading, \u201cI didn\u2019t say I would kill you. Are you serious? I didn&#8217;t say that.\u201d The head judge was somehow not swayed by Serena\u2019s cogent closing argument. Serena received a sentence of two year probation and $175,000 fine.<\/p>\n<p><em>Update:<\/em> Lineswoman Shino Tsurubuchi\u2019s throat remains tennis ball free. She will not, however, judge any of Serena Williams\u2019 matches in this year\u2019s U.S. Open.<\/p>\n<p>Me: I once spent a night in jail&#8230; for running with my dog without a leash.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Game: Serena.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>No matter. Few thought a curvaceous girl raised on the hard-knock streets of Compton could ascend to #1 tennis player in the world. Fewer still believe a bro who runs to Lady Gaga could stand toe-to-toe with her in a boxing ring.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t care what the odds-makers may say or what the laws of physics may dictate. And so I challenge you, Serena Williams, to a boxing match. I challenge you to twelve rounds at a date and location of your choosing. Proceeds \u2014 aside from my pending medical bills \u2014 would go to charity.<\/p>\n<p>And someday I will tell my grandchildren about the other time Serena Williams brought tears to my eyes. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cDad, do you think \u2014 if I had to \u2014 I could beat Serena Williams in a fight?\u201d \u201cNo chance. Serena Williams has more testosterone than you do.\u201d \u201cWith those thighs? She\u2019d scissor you to death,\u201d my dad\u2019s girlfriend added. To be clear: I do not wish to fight Serena Williams. She is a post-racial [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":547,"featured_media":12345,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[259],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Could You Fight Off Serena Williams? - Prose Before Hos<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"\u201cDad, do you think \u2014 if I had to \u2014 I could beat Serena Williams in a fight?\u201d \u201cNo chance. 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