Top 25 Simpsons Scenes, Quotes, and Otherwise Hilarious Moments

After watching the Simpsons for 15 years and having recently seen the movie, I thought I’d share my favorite 25 Simpsons scenes, quotes, and other miscellany sequences from the history of the show. The majority of the quotes from seasons 5-10, but feel free to add your own (and perhaps I’ll expand it to 50 if a lot more get added).

1. Bill Cosby explains ‘the rap music’ and kids, all while including all his favorite corporate sponsors:

Cosby: Hey, kids! Meet Grampa Murphy.
Child: We have three grampas already!
Cosby: This one’s a great jazz musician.
Child: Oh, they all_ are.
Cosby: Oh, oh: you see, the kids, they listen to the rap music which gives them the brain damage. With their hippin’, and the hoppin’, and the bippin’, and the boppin’, so they don’t know what the jazz…is all about! You see, jazz is like the Jello Pudding Pop — no, actually, it’s more like Kodak film — no, actually, jazz is like the New Coke: it’ll be around forever, heh heh heh.

2. Homer Learns About Taking His Side to the Press

Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she was sitting on [cut] her sweet [cut] can. [cut] — o I grab her — [cut] sweet can. [cut] Oh, just thinking about [cut] her [splice] can [cut] I just wish I had he — [cut] sweet [cut] sweet [cut] s-s-sweet [cut] can.
Jones: So, Mr. Simpson: you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense?
Homer: [looking lustful in a clearly-paused VCR shot]
Jones: Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further. [paused shot of Homer grows larger] No, Mr. Simpson, don’t take your anger out on me. Get back! Get back! Mist — Mr. Simpson — nooo!
Over-Voice: Dramatization — may not have happened.

3. Kang speaks volumes on American politics

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, 73-year-old candidate, Bob Dole.
Kang: Abortions for all.
[crowd boos]
Very well, no abortions for anyone.
[crowd boos]
Hmm… Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others.
[crowd cheers and waves miniature flags]

4. Gas, the world’s only unlimited resource.

Canyonero!
Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down, It’s the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!
The Federal Highway commission has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.
12 yards long, 2 lanes wide, 65 tons of American Pride!
Top of the line in utility sports, unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
She blinds everybody with her super high beams, She’s a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving machine!

5. Homer doesn’t want to deal with Grimey (heya Strech)

Marge: Homer, why aren’t you at work?
Homer: The car won’t start. I don’t feel very good today. I am at work.
Marge: You’re afraid to go to work because Frank Grimes will be there, aren’t you?
Homer: That’s crazy talk. You’re crazy, Marge. Get off the road!
[honks horn]
Marge: You have to face him sometime, and when you do I’m sure he’ll be just as anxious to make up as you are.
Homer: No he won’t, he hates me.
Marge: He doesn’t hate you. He just feels insecure because you’re getting through life so easily, and it’s been so difficult for him.
Homer: Yeah, yeah, that’s his problem, he’s a nut! It’s not about me being lazy, it’s about him being a crazy nut.
Marge: Well … maybe. But I bet he would be less crazy if you were just a little more, mmm, professional in your work.
Homer: [gasps]
Marge: Just a little more. Then he won’t have any reason to resent you.
Homer: I’ll do it! [produces a bottle of Duff] To professionalism!