Top 25 Simpsons Scenes, Quotes, and Otherwise Hilarious Moments

16. Crab juice does sound better

Homer: Now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice.
Homer: Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I’ll take a crab juice.

17. I was personally spanked by both George Sr. and George Jr.

Homer: He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson?
Bart: I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.
Abe: Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions.
Marge: Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don’t believe in that kind of punishment.
Abe: And that’s why your no-good kids are running wild!
[points at Lisa, who is reading quietly]

18. Take the Zepplin to Prussia, and say hi to the Bismarck for me:

Burns: Yes, I’d like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?
Post Office Employee: Uh, I better look in the manual. This book must be out of date: I don’t see “Prussia”, “Siam”, or “autogyro”.
Burns: Well, keep looking!

19. Like Urkel!

Homer: The alien has a sweet, heavenly voice… like Urkel! And he appears every Friday night… like Urkel!

20. You’ve never had your pants grabbed off by friendly beavers?

Carl: Oh no! He’s going over the falls!
Lenny: Oh good. He snagged that tree branch.
Carl: Oh no! The branch broke off!
Lenny: Oh good. He can grab onto them pointy rocks.
Carl: Oh no! Them rocks broke his arms and legs.
Lenny: Oh good. Those helpful beavers are swimming out to save him.
Carl: Oh no! They’re biting him, and stealing his pants.

21. McBain Explains Woody Allen:

McBain: Now, my Woody Allen impression: I’m a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls.

22. What is there to do without cable TV?

Announcer: Your cable TV is experiencing difficulties. Please, do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.
Wiggum: [checking under the covers] Well I’ll be damned.

23. Paddlings.

Jasper: Talking out of turn…that’s a paddling. Looking out the window…that’s a paddling. Staring at my sandals…that’s a paddling. Paddling the school canoe…ooh, you better believe that’s a paddling.

24. The man in the White House doesn’t care about sexual harassment:

“Ashley”: No, Mr. Simpson! A cat is a living creature.
“Homer”: I don’t care. [runs it over]
“Homer”: Now I’m going to grab me some sweet.
“Ashley”: No, Mr. Simpson, that’s sexual harassment. If you keep it up, I’ll yell so loud the whole country will hear!
“Homer”: With the man in the White house? [laughs] Not likely!

25. Sweet sweet Mooooon money

Royce: That’s the miracle of the franchise. You get all the equipment and know-how you need, plus a familiar brand-name people trust. You’ll be on a rocket-ride to the moon! And while you’re there, would you pick up some of that nice, green moon money for me — Royce McCutcheon!
Homer: No deal, McCutcheon, that moon money is mine!

Much thanks to SNPP.com for the episode guides and quotes!