Browsing PBH By Articles

The Greatest Website Known To Mankind

I don’t know much of art, good taste, or ‘common decency’, but in my estimations, Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat is the greatest website ever known to man.

Observe:

Did you fucking see that? Did nails just come out of your soul because you’re a robot? The cat… it played the god damn keyboard. Do you even comprehend that? COULD YOU COMPREHEND THAT?

Whoever you are, Cat Playing Keyboard creator, I will marry you and adamantly follow whatever cult you lead (as long as its based on keyboard cats).

Celebrate May Day With A Communist Party!

I hope swine flu kills you all

There’s a retarded picture going around of a little kid licking the nose of a pig with the caption, “You little bastard, you’ve killed us all.”

First off, fuck this picture.

I’m tired of cats, gerbils, hedgehogs, and hamsters with dumbass captions sabotaging my Reddit front page.

Second, it’s supposed to be funny because none of us really expect the human race to perish from swine flu, so this ugly ass tow headed kid licking the nose of a pig is meant to remind us that life is cute and adorable and pigs are wonderful animals despite the panic.

I am not laughing.

It is my sincere wish that seven out of ten people who read this post experience the excruciating business end of H1N1.

Yes. You, and you, and you.

We need to grab our collective sac and face the facts:

Earth has grown obese with humans. It has a homo sapien spare tire riding its gut, and if there isn’t a rapid depopulation within the next five years — leaving the human species so decimated  that we can’t over fish, pump shit into the air, and dump waste into our rivers at the same self-destructive pace — the world won’t be habitable soon anyway.

Fact.

Please stop the hand wringing, the moaning, the bitching, the useless worry over self-preservation (god is not looking out for you because he does not exist, so you can stop praying too), and start calling whatever pandemic inevitably wipes out a good two-thirds of the world population what it is.

Nature’s version of gastric bypass surgery.

Knock off a subcontinent or two, the entire East Coast of the United States, all the Speedo wearing men in Europe and a whole bunch of chopstick users in Central Asia.

Who fucking cares? Humanity is like a weed. Give us a little water and we spring right back.

I’m not crying if a whole handful of helicopter parents and their pansy ass, allergy prone progeny perish.

Here’s a radical suggestion: Don’t wash your hands. Don’t cover your mouth when you cough. When you feel swine flu symptoms setting in, use drinking fountains and hang out in shopping malls.

Find a way to serve food at the local elementary school cafeteria and sneeze on the mac and cheese.

Invite your friends and neighbors over when you start feeling sick, and spike their food with the flu by dipping your cock in their soup.

Be at peace with this situation. In the long run, depopulation on a massive scale is good for us as a species. Yes, it is. To argue otherwise is to be a deluded douche nozzle who isn’t paying attention to science.

So go forth. Catch swine flu. Vomit blood into your toilet.

Then do us all a favor. Die.

The Mythology Of The ‘Moral’ America

I know a lot of people are getting hell-bent over the current discussion on torture (I certainly have). But certain elements of this discussion have concerned me, mostly the idea that America has lost its ‘moral compass’ during the Bush years and through the torture and extraordinary rendition scandal.

To this, I simply respond What moral compass? America, in it’s 220 years of existence has succeeded precisely because it’s geo-political and economic strategies have no moral element to them. The short-sightedness of this debate is that the Bush years were some sort of anomaly in the trajectory of American goodness, while the truth is the narrative of America has been one of human rights abuse, economic exploitation, and disregard for the lives of non-Americans.

A small smattering of America’s ‘moral compass’ just from the past 50 years:

• Covertly overthrew President Salvador Allende in Chile and replacing him with Augusto Pinochet who would kill and torture over 100,000 people

• Currently providing over $3 billion a year in military aid to Israel while it systemically cleanses greater Palestine of non-Jews

• Currently providing over $3 billion a year to Pakistan and Egypt, despite wide-spread human rights abuses and lack of democratic rights

• Spearheaded efforts to impose a UN Blockade to Iraq, leading to an estimated 200,000 deaths in the late 1990’s

• Currently providing over $1 billion a year to Saudi Arabia, including $3 million dollars of electro-shock devices used to torture inmates and political prisoners

• Funded and headquartered in Georgia the School of the Americas Assassins (currently named the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation), which trained and armed ‘anti-Communist’ fighters in Latin America. These have included dictators and gross human rights abusers such as Bolivia’s Hugo Banzer and Panama’s Manuel Noriega.

• Overthrew the democratically elected government of Iranian Prime Minister Mohammed Mosaddeq in 1953 and replaced it with the dictatorship of the pro-Western Shah

• Funded the Mujahideen in Afghanistan, including Osama Bin Laden, to fight the Soviets in the early 1980s

• Provided Saddam Hussein with the chemical weapons he would use to kill over 100,000 Kurds

And that’s just a brief list, not including America’s involvement in Vietnam, the bombing of civilians in Cambodia and subsequent rise of the Khmer Rouge, the use of nuclear weapons against Japan, or the funding and arming of Contra death squads in Nicaragua.

See Also: Cliff May And Jon Stewart, Newt Trapped On Torture, Fox News: Khalid Sheik Mohammed Not Waterboarded THAT Much, It Does Not Work, But It’s Fun!, Torture, Schmorture, Obama’s personal morality and Israel’s security, Two Views on the Torture Debate, More on those terror truth commissions, A Seriously Broken Moral Compass, Right Wing Extremism: History is Repeating, It’s about reclaiming our soul, If Americans Will Not Defend The Geneva Conventions, Reining In the Arbitrary Executive, Thomas Friedman: Torture and Invading Iraq Have Prevented Another 9/11, American Naivete & the Ugly Truth, Good Faith, Use Of Torture Is A Matter Of Context, and Torture: May Christians endorse some form of it?

[tags]torture, using torture, american moral compass, the moral compass of america, moral code of conduct, george bush, american history, cold war, is america a moral country, list of american actions[/tags]

This isn’t Wall Street

A strong and healthy press is one of the most important institutions to a free and open society. In this age of information and rapid expansion in human progress, when millions can come together around to world to create the greatest concentration of knowledge in history, it is shameful that we allow the watchdogs of progress to starve.

Journalists fill the margins of history for the most part.

The vast majority seek no great credit or lasting fame. They live in small towns. They’ve worked the same couple papers for the last fifteen years. They go to school board meetings. They interview the hospice nurse Joanne and they talk to Bob her dying charge with the nasal cannula, and this is one of the last great ways Americans are able to preserve their sense of community.

Because the information age has isolated us with the same rapidity that it has allowed our knowledge of the world to expand.

This isn’t about saving a few big players who keep their boys in the White House press room. This isn’t about one glorious act of investigative reporting that makes it to celluloid.

Though there’s a place for that kind of reporting and that kind of journalism in the world, too.

And this isn’t about preserving a few big newspapers chains. We could do with fewer of those and more locally owned operations in this country.

No.

This is about all the small town papers that don’t have the breathing room to let their reporters dig up the petty crimes, the nascent criminals masquerading as pillars of the community who left in the dark become monsters.

It’s about the embezzling of $200,000 by a school board that goes unnoticed, or the shattering silence that meets the cry for help of a marginalized border community as it is exploited by an unregulated dairy industry while the pesticide factory across the street pumps poison into its aquifer.

It’s about the modest reporter who records and exposes ineptitude in the daily act of asking questions, or the quietly intelligent city editor who encourages the hounds to dig around where there is a faint odor of malfeasance.

Keep the little monsters in their little ponds from becoming big monsters in big ponds. This is a good way to ensure we have a healthy society.

There’s been a lot of talk lately about institutions that are, “too big to fail.”

I’ll tell you what a few of those are: Journalism, education, law enforcement, and the military.

Journalists aren’t in it for the money. The few of us that are married don’t have children, because we can’t afford it. Going into PR or becoming the mouthpiece for a well-established non-profit, that pays. But it’s not journalism, and journalism is a craft. Few will want to learn it or pursue it honorably and ethically if it’s impossible to make a living while doing.

No one’s asking for a blank check or a free ride at the papers I’ve seen. This isn’t Wall Street. They’re just looking for a fair shake — from Google.

As someone commented on a recent column by Maureen Dowd, “Google should somehow partner with the content providers not out of charity but because they won’t have anything worthwhile to search for in a few years if they don’t fork over some of their profits.”

The newspaper industry and by proxy print journalism — paper and electronic — is dying an unnecessary death, like a man in an ER who is left to slowly perish because he does not have insurance.

And that’s a shame.