Browsing PBH By Articles

The Most Loathsome of 2007, and You’re On It

A new year, a new Most Loathsome List from Buffalo Beast. Not as good as last year, but man, still pretty fucking good. Some gems include:

38. Steven Moore

Charges: Mo Rocca’s evil twin and founder of the election-law-breaking PAC Club for Growth, Moore’s the Wall Street Journal’s most brazen corporate apologist and free market sycophant, who’s trotted out on TV to manicure the invisible hand every time it chips a nail squashing the poor.

Exhibit A: “If you don’t want to buy a Chinese toy, don’t buy it at Wal-Mart. But you know why people buy these things? Because they’re cheap and, for the most part, they’re pretty good products.”

Sentence: Given low-wage job test-licking all Chinese imports, incurs brain tumor, has epiphany about consumer choice and income, then more brain tumors.

And

28. The Troops

Charges: Rubes, the lot of ’em. Come back all fugly. They keep telling John McCain they want to win. They need so much support, it’s clingy and sad. Matching outfits? Kind of gay.

Exhibit A: Too cheap to buy their own body armor.

Sentence: Walter Reed.

And finally:

9. You

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism — it’s nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears’ children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you’re going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase “enhanced interrogation techniques.” You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can’t spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don’t want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy’s doing well. You’re an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn’t get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn’t cover. You deserve it, chump.

And more from the past on PBH:

John McCain on the 50
And yes, you’re still guilty.

Blog me up, Buttercups

Blog Roundup, this week in an easy 1 to 10 fashion. This better keep you god damn occupied!

1. Why the media hates Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich.

Did you notice a pattern? Both Paul and Kucinich are against the influence of lobbyists, war profiteers, deficit spending, and big government, to name just a few.

2. Conveniently, it seems everyone in Washington has forgotten that the National Intelligence Estimate says that Iran is a virtual non-threat in regards to a WMD program. Ablogistan covers the 2008 Defense Authorization Act:

Congress finds that Iran maintains a nuclear program in continued defiance of the international community while developing ballistic missiles of increasing sophistication and range that:
(1) pose a threat to–
(A) the forward-deployed forces of the United States;
(B) North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) allies in Europe; and
(C) other allies and friendly foreign countries in the region; and
(2) eventually could pose a threat to the United States homeland.

And don’t forget that “An overwhelming majority of Iranians, 70 percent, favor normal relations and trade with the United States, a nationwide poll conducted by Terror Free Tomorrow has found.” Ooooops.

3. Deputy Dog covers the most controversial boardgames.

4. Joey DeVilla tracks 70 scenes from Simpsons scenes and their reference movies.

5. The Science of Stimulus by Russ Roberts.

…One answer is that a healthy patient doesn’t need medicine. But the other possibility is that it’s all hot air. Maybe we don’t know how to make a $14 trillion economy move very quickly. And if we did, it would take a lot more than an injection of even 125 billion dollars.

6. No wonder we make fun of Christians.

7. 130 billion gallons of fresh water to produce 41 billion gallons of bottled water. Oh yeah, another 18 million barrels of oil to make the bottles. Kind of a waste?

8. Obama to End Federal Raids on Medical Marijuana Patients.

9. No Rich People were harmed in making this recession

10. And for those of us discouraged enough with the economy and politics at large to spend the remainder of one’s days in a drug-induced coma… it’s how to get high on a can of coke!

Average Assets of Americans Compared to Presidential Candidates

Perhaps only one word can be used to describe all of the leading presidential contenders: multimillionaire.

Compared to the Average American Family

Barack Obama, with the lowest asset total of all candidates, is worth 25 times more than the average American household. Mitt Romney, with the highest asset total, is worth 1075 times more than the average American household. On average, the major Presidential candidates have assets of 47 million dollars, or 505 times the average American household.

Data

Rudy Giuliani – 40 Million Dollars
Mitt Romney – 100 Million Dollars*
Hillary Clinton – 51 Million Dollars
John McCain – 35 Million Dollars
Barack Obama – 2.5 Million Dollars**
John Edwards – 50 Million Dollars
Average American Household – .093 Million Dollars (93 Thousand Dollars)

*This number represents an average from the lower quintile from several sources that estimate Romney’s total assets

**This figure is from May 2007 and do not include revenues his highly profitable book ‘The Audacity of Hope’.

Note: Personal assets of presidential candidates do not include the assets of their spouses. Most notably, assets for the McCain’s and Clinton’s is much higher when their spouses are factored in.

Sources

Candidates’ assets, income on display

Clinton, Romney Are Wealthiest Candidates

Fed: Stagnant Net Worth for Typical US Family

I am bearded; I am graduate student. Smell my niche?

I am in London. I am a graduate student. I am increasing my vocabulary. I am writing lots of things like this. I am meeting new people. I am intentionally neglecting the past. I still feel divorced from the present. I promise to be better in the future. I look like this:

Enjoy your worries, you may never have them again. So do me a favor and shop at Amazon.

Mormon Jesus

25. Mormon Jesus

Charges: Least plausible Jesus. We heard his brother is the devil — OMG! Won’t even let his flock have a cup of coffee in the morning — what a jerk. As with any celebrity comeback, lacks the oomph of the glory years. Won’t stop baptizing dead people from other religions, which they generally don’t appreciate as much as he thinks.

Exhibit A: Loves Mitt Romney, Harry Reid, and Glenn Beck. And magic long johns.

Sentence: Interrupted during the game by Mormon missionaries.

The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2007