Browsing PBH By Articles

Valerie Plame: Hot or not? Depends on your news source

Last week we had the pleasure of seeing Valerie Plame testify in front of a congressional hearing to discuss the situation and aftermath of being exposed in retaliation of her husband’s critical piece about enriched uranium. Of course, coverage varies — from CNN putting the story on the front page of their website, to Fox News merily having a video on the side of the site — but the most interesting variations were seen in the pictures used on the various media outlets:

All in all, it’s what we’d expect: on CNN, Valerie Plame is a sexual freak who I want to enrich my uranium all over; on MSNBC, she is as neutral as Keith Olbermann’s non-offensive PC haircut; on Fox News, she is an angry liberal scorpion; and inexplicably on AOL, she is medusa reincarnate.

Best Example, Urban Dictionary

1. carte blanche

unconditional authority.

I gave my boyfriend carte blanche. He can fuck me anyway he wants.

Sounds about right to me. Thumbs up… and high five!

Carte Blanche [urban dictionary]

Bareback Neo-Con Gangbang… mmm mmm good.

It’s been another fun week of White House intrigue in the blog-o-sphere. With Iraq entering it’s 5th year and Alberto Gonzales lubbing up his neck for the political guillotine, I’m feeling the heat all the way from Farragut Square. I even took an extended lunch break in Lafayette Park, right behind the White House, hoping to catch Tony Snow getting a rim job from a gay prostitute. Alas, it was not to be! But then again, there’s more and more chatter from the right about how they feel betrayed by their once ideal second coming of Reagan/Jesus.

BETRAYED! By the White House! Conservatism in America isn’t a legacy of arrogant and inhumane foreign policy, backwards beliefs in regard to women’s rights or religion, thinly veiled racism and homophobia or being reverse robin hoods! No, they wanted oh-so much more:

“We are conservative scholars, activists and writers. We do not favor a crippled executive or enfeebled government. In a time of danger, checks and balances make for stronger government because the people will more readily accept a muscular authority if barriers against abuses are strong. If at some future time Congress, in turn, aggrandizes power and invades the executive or judicial domains, we will be equally alert to sound the alarm. But today, the clear and present danger to conservative philosophy is the White House,”

Wah wah! I got gang-banged by Bill Kristol and Douglas Feith and all I got was this lousy case of Zionist Herpes! and jingo journalism!

Frankly, I’m tired of the whining. I want more sexy scandals and pictures of Lindsay Lohan. More reality TV shows! More Alberto “They Still Let My Kind Add Random o’s to WASP Names” Gonzalez please! More hot Michael Vick herpes stories!

Bong Hits 4 Muhammad

Today the Supreme Court will hear the case of “Juneau, Alaska public schools” v. “Bong Hits 4 Jesus”. That’s not the real name, but it’s close enough so that no-one is confused about the litigants.

The essence of the case is that in 2002, Joseph Frederick, a high school student, brought a large fold-out sign to an Olympic torch rally held across from his high school as it crossed the US on the way to the Salt Lake City Games. The sign was not, in fact, supportive of the great Olympic spirit, a particular athlete, or one of town pride… It simply said: “Bong Hits 4 Jesus”. Simple, yet effective.

Anyway, his principal spotted the sign, ran across the road, and tore it down and crumpled it up. Not completely satisfied, he then suspended Joseph for 5 days… and doubled the penalty when Joe came to school and used the words of Thomas Jefferson as defense. Chaos ensued… and today the High Court will hear this case. Go Joseph.

Now, I’ll save the legal analysis here for one of the more “intellectual” or “political”-minded PBH-ers… What I’ve come to do today is to recreate this event in a digital manner. My principal will certainly not be tearing down my sign or crumpling it, but I have a fear we may end up in a firestorm or causing political protests. But… I have faith in my legal system and that the court will rule in Joseph’s and our favor today. And… so in good faith I present:

The Pledge of Resistance

We believe that as people living
in the United States it is our
responsibility to resist the injustices
done by our government,
in our names

Not in our name
will you wage endless war
there can be no more deaths
no more transfusions
of blood for oil

Not in our name
will you invade countries
bomb civilians, kill more children
letting history take its course
over the graves of the nameless

Not in our name
will you erode the very freedoms
you have claimed to fight for

Not by our hands
will we supply weapons and funding
for the annihilation of families
on foreign soil

Not by our mouths
will we let fear silence us

Not by our hearts
will we allow whole peoples
or countries to be deemed evil

Not by our will
and Not in our name

We pledge resistance

We pledge alliance with those
who have come under attack
for voicing opposition to the war
or for their religion or ethnicity

We pledge to make common cause
with the people of the world
to bring about justice,
freedom and peace

Another world is possible
and we pledge to make it real