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Israel’s surge of despair

Update: Salon made my letter an Editor’s Pick.

The Article: In today’s edition of Salon, Gregory Levey evaluates in Israel’s Surge of Despair Israeli politics following the war against Hezbollah and Israeli diplomacy as the United States sinks further and further into Iraq. The article can be summed with the authors own anecdote:

To many in or involved with the Israeli government, George W. Bush’s presence in the Oval Office was once reassuring. Now, it is increasingly worrying. Back in early 2004, when I started working in the Israeli Mission to the U.N. — during the first year of the U.S. occupation of Iraq — one of the senior diplomats there had an autographed photograph of Bush hanging behind his desk. But by the summer of 2005, as Iraq spiraled into chaos, I noticed that he had replaced it, without explanation, with a photo of U2’s Bono.

Analysis: Available as a letter on Salon and below.

The war was certainly lost, but not in traditional measures of goals accomplished or battles lost. I think we can compare Israel’s recent efforts in Lebanon to the United States involvement in Iraq. While we may equate both the physical battles as a standstill, both conflicts have been complete diplomatic fiascos. Public opinion and international trust have mitigated any positive effect military action may have created.

Israel, in many ways like its diplomatic big brother America, has suffered a debilitating setback in its international standing. Israel is far from the victim of anti-Semitic persecution or the biblical David of the Middle East, as many geriatric Zionists or muddled neo-Conservatives would want you to believe. It is perceived to be a purveyor of violence, intolerance, occupation, nationalism, and religious and cultural ethnocentricism. This is not a perception limited to the Arab world: Europe and the American left, once firm supporters of the ‘Jewish’ state are coming to the realization that unwavering and uncritical support for a belligerent state is hypocritical and against long term strategic interests. This may have been in the cards though, as what serious, well-thought liberal would openly support a state that’s based on the values one should isolate and condemn (religion, societal divisions, fierce and violent nationalism).

In the short term, we have witnessed a complete diplomatic isolation of both states. America is impotent and enfeebled on this front, failing to stop the bloodshed in Lebanon this summer, to bring about peaceful resolution to ongoing Hamas and Fatah strife, or serious change to the Israeli Palestinian situation. America’s allies are quickly distancing itself as it continues to stumble over itself in the region: Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and Jordan have all splintered from American methods on Iran, Israel/Palestine, and Iraq. Further, only America could turn an issue that most in the international community agree on — the desire to limit the nuclear capabilities of Iran — into a political conflict that may result in war. This has manifested itself by proxy in Israel’s diplomacy as well. As Israel sinks itself farther into the talons of Bush’s zero-sum game, the farther it is incapable of pursuing normalized relations with other countries.

I personally hope that for many this realization emerged this summer. These are not wars we are bound to be civility, these are not countries people are bound to because of identity. These are political conquests carried out by the agents of the right under the pretense of fear and safety.

Mr. T and Mike Tyson… Sitting in a Tree…

In a stunning revelation this afternoon, it appears that Mike Tyson and Mr. T have been involved in a serial and public monogamous relationship. Word is that Tyson can be considered the “power bottom” in this hook-up.

No, seriously… don’t believe everything wikipedia tells you kids! It’s can be difficult to tell what’s real life and what’s just Mike Tyson’s fantasy.

UPDATE: Apparently Mr. T and Mike Tyson’s love child is NOT homosexual. [Egotastic]

A Knife in the Heart of Valentine’s Day

The Stage: Valentine’s Day, 2001. I am a high school senior, I do not have a valentine, and I have oddly colored hair. I do not like society or its make believe holidays

The Victim: A decorated ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ banner and the 900 or so cohabitants of the cafeteria during the lunch period.

The result:

Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, attack the moon

You know who else needs a good sense of humor? The city of Boston. Fuck! You blew it. You got fooled by cartoon characters with their middle fingers up. Bruce Schneier, a security expert, has an excellent post entitled “Non-Terrorist Embarrassment in Boston”, that pretty much sums up mine and a lot of other people’s feelings about the matter:

The story is almost too funny to write about seriously. To advertise the Cartoon Network show “Aqua Teen Hunger Force,” the network put up 38 blinking signs (kind of like Lite Brites) around the Boston area. The Boston police decided — with absolutely no supporting evidence — that these were bombs and shut down parts of the city.

Now the police look stupid, but they’re trying really not hard not to act humiliated:

Governor Deval Patrick told the Associated Press: “It’s a hoax — and it’s not funny.”

Unfortunately, it is funny. What isn’t funny is now the Boston government is trying to prosecute the artist and the network instead of owning up to their own stupidity. The police now claim that they were “hoax” explosive devices. I don’t think you can claim they are hoax explosive devices unless they were intended to look like explosive devices, which merely a cursory look at any of them shows that they weren’t.

But it’s much easier to blame others than to admit that you were wrong:

“It is outrageous, in a post 9/11 world, that a company would use this type of marketing scheme,” Mayor Thomas Menino said. “I am prepared to take any and all legal action against Turner Broadcasting and its affiliates for any and all expenses incurred.”

The major media outlets have been fooled on two occasions: a) they haven’t exposed that confusing a major metropolitan police department is the equivalent of winning a dodgeball game against a team filled with the mentally retarded b) they got punked by the marketers of the night brights. The real besting done was by the perpetrators who insisted on talking about nothing but hair in the press conference proceeding their court appearance.

Two men accusing of placing electronic advertising devices around the city in a publicity stunt that stirred fears of terrorism and shut down parts of the city were released from jail Thursday, apparently amused with the prank.

Peter Berdovsky, 27, and Sean Stevens, 28, were released on $2,500 cash bond after each pleaded not guilty to placing a hoax device and disorderly conduct for a device found Wednesday at a subway station. They waved and smiled as they greeted people in court.

Outside, they met waiting reporters and television cameras and launched into an unusual discussion of hair styles of the 1970s.

“What we really want to talk about today — it’s kind of important to some people — it’s haircuts of the 1970s,” Berdovsky said.

While searching for my local Wizards, and thanks to the magic of BLOGS, I’ve finally, after all these years, been able to learn about the relationship between Harry Potter and Jews, coming from some weirdo who we can assume actually (GASP) believes in religion. And it’s not the cool one where you get presents when Jeebus flew to outer-space, either:

This item also started a couple of trains of thought rolling. First, there’s the issue of those of my co-religionists who object to reading the Harry Potter books from a halachik standpoint. I can respect – though I personally reject – the Jewish viewpoint that shuns all secular literature and culture across the board, from Harry Potter to Halloween, from Shakespeare to the Sopranos. While I personally disagree with this isolationist approach on many levels – intellectual, religious, and emotional – I can acknowledge that it is at least self-consistent. However, I believe those authorities who prohibit reading Harry Potter in particular, while allowing secular books in general, are severely misinformed.

First off, JK Rowling has missed out on a HUGE demographic. You know, the kind of people that have nothing better to do then take pride in make believe ideas about cultural and social identity? Also known as: since I do nothing in my life that makes me a worthwhile person, my fill-in-the-blank heritage can serve as a meaningful substitute — plus check out this hilarious monkey hat I wear to show it off!

The point is that all future novels, movies, and works of art need 5 black guys, a Jihadist, a Jihadist that raps, a white woman, a Chinaman(with a calculator and self-help book on Jewish wealth), with all of the preceding getting ready to lynch whatever Caucasian male has dutifully oppressed them. (By the way, if you’re one of the 50 people who read this blog and also happen to run ‘elie-expo’ — this is all in good humor and innocent bad taste, unless of course, your monkey cap blocks out all sense of sarcasm and you’re too busy burning anyone who criticizes Israel).

They did it again

The 2005 version (and check out the 2006 one if you haven’t yet):

4. You

Charges: Silently enabling and contributing to the irreversible destruction of your planet. Absolving yourself of your responsibility to do anything about it that your immediate neighbors don’t. Assuming that it’s normal behavior to spend several hours each day totally inert and staring into a cathode ray tube. Substituting antidepressants for physical motion. Caring more about the personal relationships of people you will never meet than your own. Shrugging your shoulders at the knowledge that your government is populated by criminal liars intent on fooling you into impoverished, helpless submission. Cheering this process on.

Exhibit A: You don’t even know who your congressman is.

Sentence: Deathbed realization that your entire life was an unending series of stupid mistakes and wasted opportunities, a priceless gift of potential extravagantly squandered, for which you deserve nothing but scorn or, at best, indifference, and a cold, meaningless demise.