Please see The Best Theories On Everything: Volume One here.
The “Liking Your Own Facebook” Theory: Liking your own Facebook status is the digital version of high-fiving yourself in public.
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The “#321 Drinking” Theory: “Never trust a man who doesn’t drink, he’s got something to hide.” Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca.
(Working in Utah has been difficult.)
Serving as radio’s primary Troglodyte-in-Residence, Rush Limbaugh beds with racism and bathes in misogyny. Here’s some of the most sour swill that has escaped the conservative pundit’s jowls:
The “She Asks, Does This Make Me Look Fat?” Theory: Smile sweetly and say, “Nothing could make you look fat.”
WARNING: Any variation from this answer may result in death by impalement.
The “She Says, Nothing Is Wrong” Theory: She means, everything is. All hands on deck. We’re at DEFCON 5.
The “He/She Doesn’t Answer Your Call” Theory: Leave a text. Not a voicemail message. It never comes out well. And long rambling voice mails lead people to do crazy things. “Seinfeld” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm” creator Larry David once broke into a girl’s apartment to delete a particularly meandering message.
Americans born after 1977 are allergic to voicemail. Text. And keep it short. Texting should be Hemingway, not Dickens.
But be careful:
The late Christopher Hitchens provides atheists and theists alike with reason-based remedies with the ten best Christopher Hitchens quotes on religion, God, science, reason, and atheism:
Animal Picture Of The Year: Rolling On The Floor Laughing
Political Meme Of The Year:
