you aint saying nothing homie

18 nigga & makin more than yo dad

Dear Resident Drone:

Thank you for informing me that they sell jackets at stores now. In case you didn’t notice (and saying that you, a government drone, could have a discerning eye, is highly unlikely), I was wearing a cashmere sweater.

I know that after years of solitude in your cube have left you bored and bitter. How does it feel to know that I, a 22 year old, make as much as your stiff, antiquated ass? Have fun living the rest of your life living by 2.5 percent pay raises the rest of your life. Lord knows you’ll need the excitement.

Government Success 101

Since it’s been established that the government is basically an inefficient monolith, I think it was important to dig deep and figure out what it takes to be a big-shot at the local government factory.

The formula begins with a diverse selection of jargon and acronyms. Used ad nauseum are words and phrases like priorities, ‘wrapping my arms around’, vectors, developing, finalizing, mission statement, push back, backtrack, executive leadership, YTD, capture, consultation, and offsite.

To compliment this array of vocabulary, the overall contest is who can put on the best face for doing the least amount of work and ingratiating oneself with peers and supervisors. Combined with a calm, WASPy demeanor, one can expect a promotion if you can explain your inefficiency with as many as buzzwords as possible.

Here is my excuse for today “I backtracked on finalizing my priorities because there was pushback from leadership.”

When the cat’s away

Well, another day at the office, another day of proof that adults need supervision more than children.

The boss was gone, so the day was spent doing the following:

10 AM — Arrive late. Check email, get coffee, play minesweeper.
11 AM — Discuss ‘Don Diva’ magazine (a ‘gangster lifestyle’ magazine), the shooting of Camron in DC the previous weekend.
12 PM — Eat lunch, listen to music at computer.
1 PM — Write a letter, check email again. Listen to music again.
2 PM — Become frustrated at minesweeper.
2:30 PM — Head out.

This day was typical for the coworkers as well. Let’s go unfireable and unproductive government work!

spoil system aplenty

with the pick of Harriet Miers and personal experience with some of the more elite branches of government, i have concluded that the main ineptitude of the American bureaucracy is the dependency on hierarchy and the overwhelming syphocancy. also, people fall asleep during meetings between top officials at intelligence agencies (videos coming sometime)

also, a conversation between two government employees on an early friday afternoon:

1: can’t let the boy see me playing hooky from work
2: haha you at work?
1: no
1: are you?
2: nope