PoMo Sluts

“It’s just so like, like, you know, like, hypocritical, like if a guy sleeps around, he’s like, a like, player, but if a girl does it, she’s like, a total slut’

If you’ve ever gone to college, you’ve probably heard that sentence numerous times spouted from the mouth of angsty, philosophically underdeveloped females. After numerous discussions, I’ve decided to evaluate the individuals that make this statement:

1) Sluts. You know who doesn’t like being called sluts? Sluts. If someone referred to you as a slut, and you felt ashamed for your behavior, guess what? You’re probably not rejecting the pretenses and complexities of gender or being mislabeled by the overarching masculine consciousness ingrained by our society. You’re actually probably just a slut. The actions of others don’t justify yours.

2) The fat/insecure girl. This homosapien can either be a slut, a slut crony, or a slut wanna-be (also see the Domino Effect for more observations on the slut group interactions). Slutiness may be impaired by inability to catch males due to unattractiveness or weight problems. However, these impairments may be equalized by indulgence of alcohol that may turn the slut crony or wanna-be into a man predator.

(by the way, the site that I ripped this off states, “FRIENDS ARE ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR WINGS HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING HOW TO FLY”)

3) Intellectual females who defend girls right to ‘regain their sexuality’ but aren’t attractive enough to get laid. See also people that fail to acknowledge that feminism died the day I saw Britney Spear’s vagina on CNN.

Conclusion: Girls can be sluts, guys can be sluts: reclaiming, regaining, or any other feminist buzz words that became irrelevant after the 1960’s aren’t intelligent enough reasons to excuse you’re behavior. If you’re promiscuous to the point that others openly wonder about the amount of birth control you take or how many STD’s your genitalia possibly houses, you’re probably not a victim of the modern age, but just a good ol’ slut. You may think of me as a prude or reactionary, but I doubt that Betty Friedan and Germaine Greer were burning their bras so a woman could enjoy their Friday nights blacking out and consequently regaining their ‘sexuality’ by spending the night getting double teamed by random frat guys and having the next 24 hours to go to CVS to pick up RU-486 (or, the next 3 days for Plan B).

I don’t know what romance is

But I’m pretty sure this is it

First thing first, I likin’ all kinda hoes
Some go to school, some dance with no clothes
Mama name me Joc ’cause I do the damn thang
When I throw the dick they come back like boomerangs
Beat the pussy up like a ole beat machine
Oop, there it is, bring a friend, tag team
Then I beat ’em up like the woofers in my vert
I give her tylonel ’cause she say her jaws hurt
Need a chick like Trina, make her dreams come true
Baby when I cum, guarantee you cum too
And like big 6, the dick hypnotize minds
I put that on my mama baby if you think I’m lyin’
Lil mama I’mma (beat it up)
All night I’mma (beat it up)
That mouth, I’mma (beat it up)
That back, I’mma (beat it up)
That’s right I’ve …

I been there
I done that
Knock the pussy out, now she running back
So I knock the pussy out
Knock it out, knock it out
I knock the pussy out
Knock it out, knock it out

Bac-os Bits & Boca Burger Boners

My wife bought something called “Bac-os Bits”. I pretty much love bacon, she knows it, and I thought those “Bac-os Bits” were little bite sized peices of bacon for those occations when people who love bacon are running short on time. I chucked a handful in my mouth before I realized that those “Bac-os Bits” are not real bacon.

I read the label, they are some kind of a vegitarian thing. There was nothing close to meat or meat by-products listed on the ingrediaents list. We have been married for over 10 years and I have never, absolutly never gave my wife any indication that I was dissatisfied with real bacon, now she’s buying “Bac-os Bits”.

I looked through the rest of the refrigerator and I saw something called “Boca Burgers”, we normally use fresh ground beef for burgers, so this was odd. I read the package and again-no meat. Why would anyone want a burger with no meat? need for a diet to feel better ? try the best fat burner supplements !

I think she is having an affair.

I bet she is seeing some skinny metro-sexual vegitarian or something. She probably met this guy at her finger nail place, she told me once about “guys” going there to get their nails done. When she said that, I chuckled- but perhaps this what these “guys” do to hit on married women.

I don’t know what to do. Should I confront her about the affair? Should I join her and try to enjoy some of these new things she is trying and ignore the affair for now? I need some advice. Thanks

What you got against my Wics?

$675 / 1br – Upper East Side Studio

600 square foot studio w/ full bathroom, kitchen available this July. 4th floor w/ elevator and door man. Just off corner of 49th and Lexington. Clean, and recently refurbished. Hard-wood floors. Ideal for young professional or student. Tenant must participate in Wiccan feast of Baal and Gozer once a month. Will provide free conversion ceremonial bath if tenant not already initiated. No dogs allowed, but one or two cats are okay. Applicants must meet residency guidelines and credit criteria.

everyday is exactly the same

there is no love here.

this is in or around metal heart