In today’s edition of Haaretz (liberal Israeli daily), there’s a rather pallid article called Shin Bet arrests three Hamas militants who tried to attack IDF troops. Nothing to see here — it’s your typical Israeli-Palestinian situation of shoot, retaliate, and arrest. But check out this gem in the Web 2.0 of Haaretz’s instantaneous discussion and feedback for articles, evidenced no greater than by the zinger at #7 titled ‘to all the ubove’:
Can any one of you(from your past experience in Europe)suggest few romantic,unhurtfull ways to resist militery occupation,humilation and seggrigation?please!!
I think the most disturbing event of my life happened just yesterday.
I’ve been chatting with this girl over msn for a while now, and we met a couple weeks ago. (she’s ok-looking, sort of like Beth Ditto but not as fat and not as hot) Yesterday we had a date, and after seeing a movie went back to her place, we made out and before long I had my tongue buried in her vag and a finger in her ass.
This is where it all goes wrong.
I pulled my finger out and started licking her anus while gently pinching her clit, I then leaned back a bit while trying to find a comfier position, and was just going to slide a finger back into her ass when I notice something odd.
There’s something on my finger. Moving.
At this point I have no fucking idea what’s going on, with a closer look I see there’s about 6 or 7 small white stringy things (each about 0.5″ long) on my finger and more around her ass.
They’re all writhing and wriggling.
Horror.
I’m now holding my finger between us, pointing at it with my other hand, I can’t speak; she’s panting, out-of-breath, and looking at me as if to say “Why did you stop?”. When she realises what’s wrong she says “Oh…, they’re just threadworms, most people have them, they’re harmless.”
I ran.
4 hours later, I got back back home, I washed my hands with bleach and dettol, gargled a whole bottle of mouthwash, swallowed maybe 1/2 a tube of toothpaste.
At first, I thought this was a joke, you know, ha ha, a girl has a bunch of worms coming out of her asshole. How very CARRIE BRADSHAW of you!
The best known is the human pinworm, also known as the threadworms Enterobius vermicularis and the more recently discovered Enterobius gregorii. The adult pinworm male is 1–4 mm in length, while the adult female is 8–13 mm and possess the long, pin-shaped posterior end for which the worm is named. The human pinworm is commonly found in children…
The pinworm lives in the lower part of the small intestine, and the upper part of the colon. It is found worldwide and causes the common infection enterobiasis in humans. Unlike many other intestinal parasites, the pinworm does not usually enter the bloodstream or any other organs besides the intestines. Only in rare cases disoriented pinworms can be found in the vagina, and even more rarely in the uterus, fallopian tubes, liver and peritoneum…
After mating, the male dies. The female migrates to the anus and emerges, usually during the night, to deposit about 10,000 to 20,000 eggs in the perianal area (around the anus). She then secretes a substance that causes a very strong itching sensation, inciting the host to scratch the area and thus transfer some of the eggs to the fingers. Eggs can also be transferred to cloth, toys and the bathtub. Once ingested orally, the larvae hatch and migrate back to the intestine, growing to maturity in 30-45 days. The eggs can survive from 2 to 3 weeks on their own outside of the human body. It is also in some cases where the larva will hatch around the skin of the anus and travel back inside the anus, up the rectum and back into the intestines where it matures.
If that doesn’t turn you on enough, check out this video from the New England Journal of Medicine that gives you a close up video of a 55 year old mans colon infected with pinworms! Yum yum yum, dinner is served:
Even though it isn’t Fatwa Friday, I’m about to raise the stakes a little bit after reading this article in the New York Magazine Look Book (via the Times Deal Book). I’m declaring a Jihad on Natasha Mitra, a 26 year old who graced the pages purely on her merits as a conspicuous consumer and her abilities to embody all the traits of a vapid Manhattanite whore. Seriously, read this spiritless scorpion wenches answers to the interview questions:
Was the bag expensive?
Yes—about $3,500. I guess a lot of craftsmanship goes into it. Accessories for me are the key. I have about twenty bags, and I don’t know how many shoes. But they’re Vuitton, they’re Versace, they’re Gucci, and they’re Dior.
And your sunglasses?
They’re D&G. I was really excited to find them. They’re wild and crazy and different.
What do you do for a living?
I work in private equity. I love the sector that I work in, which is the consumer and retail group. It’s an area that I’m passionate about. I love to consume. Consuming is my specialty.
Who made you, and why? Regardless, it’s official from Imam Prose Before Hos — JIHAD ON NATASHA MITRA!
