Advice on Manners for Thanksgiving

Don’t feliate the turkey, don’t make out with your grandmother, and most importantly, figure out if your son is gay:

My daughter told me that her stepbrother might be gay! I asked her why she thought that, and she told me the signs: He hangs out with gay guys at school; loves to shop (according to her, he has awesome taste in clothing); has no interest in dating girls; doesn’t want children; wants to go into design or theater; and has to have his face perfectly soft and whisker-free. I told her that doesn’t make him gay, but she then told me about a girl at his school who e-mailed her to say she thought her stepbrother was hot, but it was too bad he was gay. I was in shock, but thought it could be true. When I told my husband about my daughter’s suspicions, he was so shocked that he refused to talk to me the rest of the evening. I told my husband I didn’t mean to hurt him, but that went nowhere. Is it possible for a 16-year-old boy to be gay or bisexual? What are the signs? If he is, what do we do? My husband is against gays all the way.

Kramer….. no!!

Apparently Kramer isn’t so quirky and hipster as we thought he was. He just hates niggers:

Michael Richards exploded in anger as he performed at a famous L.A. comedy club last Friday, hurling racial epithets that left the crowd gasping, and TMZ has obtained exclusive video of the ugly incident.

Richards, who played the wacky Cosmo Kramer on the hit TV show “Seinfeld,” appeared onstage at the Laugh Factory in West Hollywood. Kyle Doss, an African-American, told TMZ he and some friends were in the cheap seats and he was playfully heckling Richards when suddenly, the comedian lost it.

The camera started rolling just as Richards began his attack, screaming at one of the men, “Fifty years ago we’d have you upside down with a f***ing fork up your ass.”

Richards continued, “You can talk, you can talk, you’re brave now motherf**ker. Throw his ass out. He’s a nigger! He’s a nigger! He’s a nigger! A nigger, look, there’s a nigger!”

The crowd is visibly and audibly confused and upset. Richards responds by saying, “They’re going to arrest me for calling a black man a nigger.”

One of the men who was the object of Richard’s tirade was outraged, shouting back “That’s un-f***ing called for, ain’t necessary.”

After the three-minute tirade, it appears the majority of the audience members got up and left in disgust.

Deep Fried America

U.S. museum removes art exhibit that includes deep-fried American flags

CLARKSVILLE, Tennessee: An art exhibit featuring deep-fried American flags, complete with peanut oil and black pepper, has been removed by a museum director in this military-friendly town.

Art student William Gentry said his piece, “The Fat Is in the Fire,” was a commentary on obesity in America.

“I deep-fried the flag because I’m concerned about America and about America’s health,” he said.

I wish I were mahogany.

A Real Horatio Alger (with vomit / genocide)

Escape a genocide in Sudan and come to Atlanta! A good idea, sort of:

He was attacked, robbed, held at gunpoint, and the Atlanta police gave him a little business card that said “Citizen Complaint” or something like that, with a phone number on it. It was like the thing you’d be given after complaining about the sound of some party next door. That’s the kind of card he got for being attacked and held at gunpoint.

But the fairy tale ends well, because he gets to write a book with Dave Eggers! Get robbed and then have Dave Eggers write a book about you! It’s like the American dream, with vomit all over it.