Blogs Are Jesus’ Version of Anal Sex for the Mind

This is the super deluxe anal version of the blog round-up!

1. Why We Should Boycott the Olympics Over Tibet (by the way, I said we should boycott the Olympics over Darfur about a year ago, but no one listened)

2. This is Greg. Greg blogs at PBH. Greg found himself on Drunken Step Father recently. Greg is now a minor internet celebrity:

3. If you’ve been brave enough to keep your eyes open while the financial world squirts its various toxic semens directly into your toxins, well, you’re god damn braver than me. Point is, you shouldn’t be listening to anybody: keep your money in a big potato sack at home, and if anyone ever questions you about your love for delicious potatoes, just tell them you got a sweet stock tip that their future market is rising in relation to the oncoming apocalypse. But anyway, check out these helpful tips on our crumbling financial world: Common misconceptions about the Federal Reserve, Congress Passes New Budget, Hold Onto Your Wallets, and Memo to Voters: None of the Candidates Will Lower Your Gas Prices; A Glance At Clinton’s “Plan”.

4. Double Dousies from the Seminal! First off, props for mental images of elderly abuse in ‘When Obama faces off against John McCain, one on one, he will smack the old man down.’ I was personally thinking of Barack Obama as Pedro Martinez and John Walnut-Face McCain as Don Equally Fucked Up Face Zimmer a la 2004 AL Championship Series:

And secondly, Veteran FBI interrogator Jack Cloonan: “If you want to recruit young jihadis….torture them.:

“If you want to recruit young jihadis….torture them; admit that you tortured them because when they’re ultimately convicted and whatever their ultimate fate is, there will be poems, songs and their images are going to be emblazoned all over that world.”

By the way, if any of you Seminal guys are reading this (which I’m assuming you do, since trackbacks tend to make us BLOGGERS wet like school girls at a David Hasselhoff convention), we should get together… you know, maybe post some pictures… do some blog roll exchanges… maybe do a collaborative expose on the nefarious effects of Chinese imports and the recent prevalence of restless anus syndrome?

5. White People:

Though many would have you believe that white people come of age at Summer Camp, it’s simply not the truth. Immediately following graduation but prior to renovating a house, white people take their first step from childhood to maturity by hosting a successful dinner party.

It is imperative that white people know how to host a good dinner party as they will be expected to do it well into retirement.

At the most basic level, these simple gatherings involve 3-6 couples getting together at a single house or apartment and having dinner and talking for 5-6 hours. Though it might seem basic, these events are some of the most stressful situations in all of white culture.

Hosts are expected to deliver a magical evening. The food must be home made with fresh, organic ingredients, the music must be just right (ambient, new, but not too loud), and the decorations inside the house should be subtle but elegant. The ultimate goal is to do a better job than the couple at the last dinner party, and attempt to make everyone jealous and sort of dislike you.

6. Racist sentiments should be condemned, even when Jesse Jackson makes them.

7. 3,987 dead and no one knows from Ablogistan:

The drop in awareness comes as press attention to the war has waned. According to the News Content Index conducted by the Project for Excellence in Journalism, the percentage of news stories devoted to the war has sharply declined since last year, dropping from an average of 15% of the newshole in July to just 3% in February.

As news coverage of the war has diminished, so too has public interest in news about Iraq. According to Pew’s News Interest Index survey, Iraq was the public’s most closely followed news story in all but five weeks during the first half of 2007; however, it was a much less dominant story between July 2007 and February 2008. Notably, the Iraq war has not been the public’s top weekly story since mid-October.

8. A Lesbian Cheating Girlfriend With A Clown Fetish. Possibly the greatest video in history:

9. Other Shizzee: Government uses the logic of the rapist: Struggling only makes it harder for you, What if I told you that 10 months before 9/11, Saddam Hussein did something very big, and pissed off the US Administration?, There’s No Such Thing as a Free Trade?, President Bush Is A Liar And A Coward, Getting High on a Can of Coke, and Are our suburbs going to turn into slums?

[tags]blogs, bloggity blog, blog roundup, interwebs, oh boy blogs[/tags]