The Best Theories On Everything (Volume IV)
The FOX News Gun Control Coverage” Theory:
The Religion Theories
The “Why I Was Suspended From Catholic Sunday School” Theory:
Sunday School History Teacher: And then Martin Luther came along. He was a heretic who nailed some essay onto a church door and started riots all over Europe about indulgences. Hundreds of thousands of Europeans died because of Martin Luther.
14 Year Old Me: But I don’t get it. Indulgences were paying money to go to heaven so Rome could build these really cool churches. Isn’t paying money to go to Heaven a bad thing? It’s not, like, a movie theater.
The “Why I Was Asked To Leave Catholic Sunday School 2 Weeks Later” Theory:
14 Years And 2 Weeks Later Old Me (After Reading Charles Darwin In School): An ant doesn’t go to heaven, right? A turtle doesn’t go to heaven, right? Dogs don’t go to heaven—no matter what Disney movie titles say. So why do we get a soul and eternal salvation with bigger brains?
Sunday School Teacher: Karl, please go see the chaplain and tell him what you just said.
