The Most Loathsome of 2007, and You’re On It
A new year, a new Most Loathsome List from Buffalo Beast. Not as good as last year, but man, still pretty fucking good. Some gems include:
38. Steven Moore
Charges: Mo Rocca’s evil twin and founder of the election-law-breaking PAC Club for Growth, Moore’s the Wall Street Journal’s most brazen corporate apologist and free market sycophant, who’s trotted out on TV to manicure the invisible hand every time it chips a nail squashing the poor.
Exhibit A: “If you don’t want to buy a Chinese toy, don’t buy it at Wal-Mart. But you know why people buy these things? Because they’re cheap and, for the most part, they’re pretty good products.”
Sentence: Given low-wage job test-licking all Chinese imports, incurs brain tumor, has epiphany about consumer choice and income, then more brain tumors.
And
28. The Troops
Charges: Rubes, the lot of ’em. Come back all fugly. They keep telling John McCain they want to win. They need so much support, it’s clingy and sad. Matching outfits? Kind of gay.
Exhibit A: Too cheap to buy their own body armor.
Sentence: Walter Reed.
And finally:
9. You
Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism — it’s nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears’ children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you’re going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase “enhanced interrogation techniques.” You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can’t spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don’t want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy’s doing well. You’re an idiot.
Exhibit A: You couldn’t get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.
Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn’t cover. You deserve it, chump.
And more from the past on PBH:
