When the cat’s away

Well, another day at the office, another day of proof that adults need supervision more than children.

The boss was gone, so the day was spent doing the following:

10 AM — Arrive late. Check email, get coffee, play minesweeper.
11 AM — Discuss ‘Don Diva’ magazine (a ‘gangster lifestyle’ magazine), the shooting of Camron in DC the previous weekend.
12 PM — Eat lunch, listen to music at computer.
1 PM — Write a letter, check email again. Listen to music again.
2 PM — Become frustrated at minesweeper.
2:30 PM — Head out.

This day was typical for the coworkers as well. Let’s go unfireable and unproductive government work!

A semi-personal update, ETC.

Well, fuck, I am devoid of creativity. The other blogs on this site that I run are devouring my attention — Word of the Day, the Mao blog, and Government Employee — and making me lack attention to this one.

Currently I am planning a trip to Europe. It is in a week and I am not that excited, to be honest. But, so it goes.

I have spent the last few weekends in DC and NYC. My past year has been very interesting in terms of places traveled: Washington DC, New York City, Atlanta, Pittsburgh, Richmond, Chicago, Virginia Beach, Charlottesville, Los Angeles, Bucharest, Rome, Venice, Florence. Lots of photos can be had here.

I have also been working on revamping WPP. I have added journal entries, edited previous entries, edited links, and added new entries.

Other stuff: I am playing tennis a lot. I have a girlfriend: she was the owner of the hamster known as Mao, he is now located in her freezer, she is cool, and contributes. I am splurging at bars. I am enjoying Adams Morgan. I am looking for a place with a couple of friends. And else than that, life keeps on chugging.

October 25, 2005

Woopknacker – adj. A loud-mouthed, aggressive person.

indulge me…

I know, I know, another gym anecdote. You probably think I’m some sort of (aspiring) meathead (like Alec). I swear I’m not. It’s just that lots of odd and amusing things happen there. Like naked guys in the locker room. And not naked guys changing or hustling into the shower, but standing and talking. And not just standing, but posing. Why is it that some 60 year old dude feels the need to corner me with his foot up on a bench and a hand on his hip, like Washington crossing the Delaware? And all the while I’m standing there, trying not to look, but feeling my eyes drift downward, ready to submit to the hypnotic oscillation of his testes, which dangle maybe an inch off the ground–resembling some crude, wrinkly version of Newton’s Cradle. Haha. Balls.

Senioritis

I don’t know how so many people go straight from high school to undergraduate school and then from undergraduate school right into grad school. Not to mention the freaks who decide to get PhDs right out of undergraduate school or an MA program. That’s almost all of your 20s! Ack! Hell, I don’t know how people go to undergrad for a fifth year. I’m one of the few people I know who’s graduating in four years, and I’m going out of my goddamned mind trying to finish this last one – and it’s only the first semester! I think to myself several times per day, ‘fuck 18th century French literature, I’m going to become a stripper!’ Then I think back to my recent, disastrous attempt at creating Porn Star Nails (long, shiny and square painted with really obvious white tips) and realize I’m not cut out for all that bleaching and waxing and filing.

Then I think, because I’m already on the subject of pubic hair and my desire not to have to wax it off, that there are millions of products on the market designed to remove pubic hair, but none that I know of dedicated to its upkeep. I’m fairly certain regular shampoo and conditioner probably aren’t good things to smush around near your private area, meaning someone needs to invent something hypoallergenic and…I don’t know, genital-safe.

So, you read it here first, folks. I’m quitting school to dedicate myself to pubic hair entrepreneurshipness.

Now the big question is, what I should call my product? Pubeshoo? WiryNoMore? Pubisoft?

Also, comment with your suggestions as to what I should be for Halloween. The choices are: Wonderwoman, a Mexican soap opera star, Jennifer Tilly’s character from Bound (I have someone willing to be my Gina Gershon, which will make it slightly less confusing and random) or George Sand. I’m leaning toward George Sand because it would allow me to buy and use a cigarette holder, vest and poufy 19th century man’s shirt.

I await your responses, oh faithful readers of the Internets!