And What A Fine Plan It Is

Ah, the Onion at it’s finest:

WASHINGTON—Calling a GOP victory in the 2012 presidential election antithetical to the party platform, top Republicans revealed a new long-term political strategy Tuesday: reelecting Barack Obama and making his life even more of a living hell than it already is.

“For three years, the Republican Party has coalesced around the single goal of making President Obama’s every waking moment sheer and utter torture,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell told reporters. “But we can’t continue to do that if he’s not in office.”

Explaining Liberal Universities In America

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Invade The USA

Via Paul Myers:

The USA should invade the USA and win the hearts and minds of the population by building roads, bridges and putting locals to work.

He Was A Hypocrite Before He Wasn’t

It turns out that Mitt Romney’s hypocrisy on health care and abortion is also incredibly personal. As reported by Salon:

In a 1994 Senate debate with Ted Kennedy, Mitt Romney revealed a startling chapter from his past: A close relative had died many years earlier in a botched illegal abortion, shaping Romney’s stance in favor of safe and legal access to abortion for all women…

The relative he was referring to back in ’94, Salon has learned, was a Detroit woman named Ann Keenan. She was the sister of Romney’s brother-in-law and died at the age of 21 in 1963, a full decade before Roe v. Wade. While much of what happened remains murky, an investigation by Salon has uncovered never-reported details about her life and death, including: how she died (an infection); that her grief-stricken parents asked for memorial donations to be made to Planned Parenthood; and that the family apparently wanted to keep the death quiet because Romney’s politically ambitious father, George, was then governor of Michigan.

An 89 Year Old Barber Discovers His Shop Looted

Photograph taken after the riots in London the past weekend. From the Telegraph:

Aaron Biber, 89, who has run a barber shop close to Tottenham High Road for 41 years, told how the looters had stolen a number of small items, including his kettle and cotton wool, after breaking into his premises. “Everyone knows me around here — I have been here since the 1970s — but now I will probably have to close because I haven’t got insurance and I can’t afford the repairs,” he said.