Fortune 500: Bailouts For The Rich, Foreclosures For The Poor

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Words We Don’t Want Forgotten: Malarkey

Malarkey is an important word, handed down by our forefathers to express our disgust with the phoniness of life. I want this word preserved, so when I am a crotchety 50 year old man and one of those damned blacks steals my lawn ornaments, I’ll say ‘what a bunch of malarkey’.

America: We’re (Not) #1!

And, sources for those of you interested:

Life expectancy: Study: U.S. Slipping Down Life Expectancy Rankings, Life Expectancy Wiki

Democracy index

Freedom of the Press index as reported by Reporters Sans Frontières

Internet Speed: US ranks 28th in Internet connection speed and World Results by Speedtest.net

Prison Population

Corruption Perception Index, Also reported by Transparency International

Quality / efficiency of education

Cell Phones Per Capita: Nation Master

Child Mortality Rates: Reported by the UN

Health Care Rankings done by the World Health Organization (WHO)

See Also: Ranking 37th — Measuring the Performance of the U.S. Health Care System, Chart Of The Day, Ron Paul: The SEC is a Total Failure and Part of the Problem, Social Security, the Military Budget and Wall Street, BBC News Worldwide Poll: Global Views Of US Improve, ‘Education Is a Right’: The New Gateway Drug, Why It’s Time To Fix The Tax System, Has America Really Become Economically Unfree?, America: Economically Unfree?, If America had $100 and 100 people…, and The Moral Urgency of Obesity.

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Animal Collective

Chances are you’ve heard of Animal Collective and sneered at them through your mish-mash of ill-fitting clothing, since hipsters hating hipsters is the latest hipster trend. Animal Collective is a band originally from Baltimore, Maryland, currently based in New York City, Brooklyn, Hipsterville. However, they have quite the sound and you should listen to them (just keep it from your friends):

The Onion Always Knows, Geopolitical Edition

U.S. Flag Recalled After Causing 143 Million Deaths

Representatives from the nation’s leading flag producer claimed that as many as 143 million deaths in the past two centuries can be attributed directly to the faulty U.S. models, which have been utilized extensively since the 18th century in sectors as diverse as government, the military, and public education….

Millions of U.S. flag–related injuries and fatalities have been reported over a 230-year period in locations as far flung as Europe, Cuba, Korea, Gettysburg, PA, the Philippines, and Iraq. In addition, the company found that U.S. flag exports to Vietnam during the late 1960s and early 1970s resulted in hundreds of thousands of deaths, a clear sign that there was something seriously wrong with its product.

In other news, PBH is becoming a Onion distributor.