Those dolphins… just so damn silky smooth

Anyway, we were all at Sea World and it was hotter than hell, so we decided to go to a show to cool off for a while. It was one of those shows where the dolphins jump up and do tricks and then the big killer whale splashes everybody with water. And at this show I started watching the dolphins jump around, and it just captivated me. I admired their soft slippery skin. It was just so exotic; I had never felt that way before. Looking at those soft underbellies and long slender fins was like seeing the face of God. I came out of my dolphin-induced trance and wiped the sweat from my brow. It was then that I realized that I had an aching erection. I became alarmed, but that only made it throb harder. For the entire rest of the show I tried my damnedest to keep my arousal in check, but every glance I took at the cetaceans in the pool below induced a surge of hormones from my perspiring testicles.

Not a joke, and not a ‘happy ending’. My wife left me because the dolphins at Sea World gave me an erection.

[tags]dolphins, erection, sea world, husband, father, weird, creepy, NSFW[/tags]

This Could Be Americas [Mother-Fucking] Vice President

Bask in this America: A drunk, countrah-fied idiot from the backwoods of Alaska could be your next President if the ticking time bomb that is John McCain’s heart (/soul) explodes in the next 4 years. And you thought George Bush was bad…

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See Also: The Second Front: McCain-Palin v. Obama-Biden and the MSM, Hilarious Sarah Palin YouTube Video, McCain, Palin, and the Augean Party, Track: another classy member of the Palin family, Liveblogging the Palin Speech, and Sarah Palin’s Family in the Media.

[tags]john mccain, sarah palin, drunk redneck, guns, creationism, republicans, rnc, convention, neptotism, tokenism, hilarious picture, photo, ak47[/tags]

Welcome to Kansas

See Also: Creationism and Rationality, What’s God got to do with it?, Ideas: Who is Against Evolution?, Social Creationism, The Extremism of Sarah Palin’s Pastors, and A Country Divided.

[tags]evolution, creatonism, school, public education, welcome to kansas[/tags]

Hollywood

The Ho of the Week, and really of our lifetimes, is Hollywood. You can’t even spell Hollywood without ho. Anyways, the reason this week for calling Hollywood a ho is their complete inability to pass the Bechdel Rule. The Bechdel Rule was introduced in Allison Bechdel’s comic Dykes to Watch Out For back in a 1985 strip. The basic principle is that in order to pass three simple rules must be followed:

1) There must be two women in it
2) They must speak to each other
3) About something besides a man

The fact that there are so few movies that pass this test underlines the male-centric view of the world that Hollywood presents. Bitch Ph.D. discuss this phenomenon in terms of summer blockbuster #1, the Dark Knight Returns. NPR discusses it and extends it to other under represented groups.

A list of movies and their Bechdel Rule factor.

Drama! Intrigue! Scandal!

So there is a shitload of drama surrounding Bristol Palin’s pregnancy. Specifically, is this actually her second time being pregnant, and is “Twig,” VPILF’s supposed fifth child, actually Bristol’s child. The Philly Daily News breaks it down:

http://www.philly.com/dailynews/features/27755734.html

This is my favorite part, it’s the “what if they aren’t lying” scenario:

In April, reportedly 36 weeks pregnant, Palin flew to Dallas to give a speech. Before the speech, she began to leak amniotic fluid. Tough Alaska moose-hunter that she is, she gave the speech anyway. She called her family doctor, who is not an OB-GYN, who allegedly told her it would be OK to fly back to Alaska. For the record, there are hospitals in Dallas.

Having given up the governor’s private plane, Palin flew commercial, not telling Alaska Airlines that she was in labor and that her water had broken. No airline personnel seemed to note her as a woman about to give birth.

Her looooong Dallas to Alaska flight had a stopover in Seattle. There are also hospitals there.

So Palin finally arrived in Anchorage, where the airport (ironically named after Alaska Sen. Ted “Bridge to Nowhere” Stevens) is six miles from possibly the best medical facility in the state, Providence Hospital. Providence is one of two hospitals in Anchorage that has a NICU unit, which could come in handy for a 40-plus woman, just off a long flight, about to give birth to a premature baby with Down syndrome.

Palin, however, drove (or was driven) approximately an hour to the much smaller Mat-Su Regional Hospital in Palmer, Alaska, which does not seem to have a NICU unit.

Hilarious!