Riding Shotgun With Jesus

The Article: Xtreme Religion by Ian Murphy in Buffalo Beast.

The Text: Since the dawn of man, deep, resonating questions have plagued his mind: What is the meaning of life? Is there a higher power? What is man’s place in the universe? Is there an afterlife? Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who?

Modern man, for all his Tony Robbins Personal PowerTM seminars, books, tapes and various twelve step programs, appears no closer to understanding these cosmic riddles than an Egyptian goatherd, circa 2000 BC, who believed the sky was a cow goddess, eating the sun every dusk, and giving birth to it every dawn. The point being: far too many people still believe in equally crazy shit.

Some will tell you religion (rough etymology – re linking) no longer links us back to anything; no unmoved mover, no creator, no creamy nougat center. It does however, link us to our own biological past, our primitive hardwiring, our kill-or-be-killed instincts, our clan versus clan animus. A good portion of the world population and this country are running on out-of-date mythological software. Linux, Windows 1400XP, Wahabbism, Santa Claus: ideas too are comprised of atoms. And so are bombs. Both are dangerous, especially when split.

It has always been about resources: fertile land, water, salt, gold, cotton, petroleum, stuffed crust pizza. “We deserve it and they don’t.” Aircraft carriers have replaced frigates, and entire civilizations localized clans, yet people shy away from saying “clash of civilizations.” Seems too dire, a position for zealots even, but true nonetheless. Mind you I’m not strictly speaking East v. West, but also rational v. irrational. Fanatical rationalists en garde!

The ideas of chosen people and jealous gods have justified atrocities and plundering from the ancient Aztecs straight through to the similarly antiquated mindset of the American religious right. The Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, Slavery, the Holocaust—all the classics. Religion has been there every bloody step of the way, linking us back to the murderous savages we are. We only think we are more civilized because we partake in ritualized, rather than actual, cannibalism. Ask a devout Catholic about the tasteless wafer they consume weekly (made in a poorly lit Mexican factory) and they will tell you they are eating god. Same dance, different tune. Deep-seated, biologically rooted memes are a hard habit to break. Ape crack.

Folk on the moderate left like to remind us from time to time—like when fundamentalists wig out, commit arson and act like all around genocidal assholes—that these perpetrators are extremists, perverts of an otherwise moderate dogma. “These people are wackos, they don’t represent our faith,” apologists apologize. Bullshit.

The true believers are the ones willing to smash planes into buildings, hack people to pieces and bomb OBGYNs based on morality gleaned from sacred texts. God’s children, doin’ the best they know how.

These are real religious people, the ones who will get all the virgins and ride shotgun in Jesus’ sweet rapture mobile. What could be better than an eternity of tight pussy or snaggin’ a ride in the Son of Man’s tricked-out, flying Prius?

The truly faithful, the freaks, the believers are in it for the payout. All the others are Christian, Muslim and Jew in name only, they are the perversion; they are the ones who don’t understand their own faith. Probably people like your aunt, who calls herself a Christian, but gets squeamish over killing fags. You should either follow the bible to the letter or not. No more of this poetic license crap: burn down an embassy, or get off the pot. Take it or leave it. That’s why I liked the Taliban so. Religion is fucking crazy and those dudes were the craziest cats around.

The divinely guided, who will kill you, or at least wish you dead, because you belong to a different book club – this is what religion is.

People became hysterical over the James Frey deceit: Can you imagine what would happen if Oprah took on the Bible or the Koran? Surely the apocalypse (rough etymology – enlightenment) would be nigh. But don’t let your preacher or mullah know that little tidbit, because it smacks of book learnin’ – and not the good book either. Eating from the tree of knowledge has its consequence: Expulsion from ignorance.

What we need now are anti-preachers, anti-faith based initiatives, anti-Mohammeds and antichrists. We can no longer stand idly by, watching the retarded children pummel each other with stones and missiles. It is time for an apocalypse. Religion is a vile meme, its protracted end being dominion over the “other”: man over woman, tribe over tribe, “our god can beat up your god.” It will be hard to quash in the face of baseless afterlife promises and punishments, that some hold so dear. Maybe we could give the believers raisins, cookies and a universal healthcare system as substitute. Or maybe, just maybe – we should give them all a free one-way ticket to the heaven of their choice. Hey – it’s an idea!

It’s time to turn “Godless” from an epithet to a compliment. Every day, decent, reasonable secular folk withstand a barrage of damnation from less intelligent people. But for some reason, we are expected to humor them and their simpering expectations of deference. Fuck that. Religion is a mental disorder, obscuring reality and clouding thought, and we are the cure. Now is no time to back down.

This issue of The BEAST—especially this issue—is not for the religious, unless they’re ready to admit they’re taking part in an enormous charade, or at least ready to laugh about it.

The Analysis:

High Quality H2O

Interconnected Planetary

“The events of September 11, 2001, have made clear that in today’s globalized world, what happens in one part of the world has profound effects on others. Ultimately the United States will bear some of the consequences of a Global economic system that often leads to crises, unemployment immiseration, insecurity and despair.””

Joseph Stiglitz

New York police report warns of mounting homegrown terrorist threat

The Article.

The Text:

NEW YORK: People in the U.S. who quietly band together and adopt radical ways — not just established overseas terrorist groups like al-Qaida — pose a serious threat to the American’s security, a new police analysis has concluded.

The New York Police Department report released Wednesday describes a process in which young men — often legal immigrants from the Middle East who are frustrated with their lives in their adopted country — adopt a philosophy that puts them on the path to violence and attacking civilians that Muslim extremists say is acceptable under jihad, or holy war.

At a briefing, NYPD officials argued that local law enforcement is best suited to deal with the homegrown terror threat.

“Hopefully, the better we’re informed about this process, the more likely we’ll be to detect and disrupt it,” Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said during the meeting with private security executives at police headquarters.

The study is based on an analysis of a series of domestic plots thwarted since the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, including those in Lackawanna; Portland, Oregon; and Virginia. It was prepared by senior analysts with the NYPD Intelligence Division who traveled to Hamburg, Madrid and other overseas spots to confer with authorities about similar cases.

Instead of mosques, those places were more likely to be “cafes, cab driver hangouts, flop houses, prisons, student associations, non-governmental organizations, hookah bars, butcher shops and bookstores,” the report says.

The Internet also provides “the wandering mind of the conflicted young Muslim or potential convert with direct access to unfiltered radical and extremist ideology.”

Kareem Shora, legal adviser for the American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee, called the findings faulty and potentially inflammatory.

“It plays right into the extremists’ plans because it’s going to end up angering the community,” said Shora.

The report warns that potential terrorists are difficult for law enforcement to detect because they blend in well with society. It also argues that more intelligence gathering is needed to thwart potential terror plots at their earliest stages.

Potential homegrown terrorists “are not on the law enforcement radar,” the study says. “Most have never been arrested or involved in any kind of legal trouble.”

They “look, act, talk and walk like everyone around them,” the study adds. “In the early stages of their radicalization, these individuals rarely travel, are not participating in any kind of militant activity, yet they are slowly building the mind-set, intention and commitment to conduct jihad.”

The Lowdown: Back in my day this was called gang activity. Minority kids angry because they’re not fitting in and feel screwed? This isn’t terroism, it’s being 17. Praise Jesus we keep all them heathen religions out of our country. The last line is particularly disturbing…They look like us. They act like us, but secretly…deep down, they’re thinking about one day sometime…possibly, thinking radical thoughts to maybe consider Jihad.

…Call the Thought Police please, and I’d like another scoop of fear mongering while I wait…

Nauka Chodzenia