The Top 10 PBH Posts

It’s official: PBH is well over 1000 posts! And to celebrate, here is the Top 10 PBH Posts for all you Prose Before Hos newcomers and veterans alike (click here for the top 10 of the first 400 posts).

1. The definitive and most popular PBH entry to this day — Hurry up and Kill Yourself For 10 Emo Points — Anonymous Banker examines an amazing local news report on the problem of ’emo’ (short for emotions, the investigative report tells us), concluding with the use of a sarcastic, humorous online quiz about how emo you are with a point system based on self-mutilation and how many sweaters one owns.

2. A few days after the Virginia Tech shootings, it became clear that the media was going to make a cult celebrity out of the shooter, rather than focus on the victims or other significant events in the world. The two posts that came of this — 33 Dead Americans is a Tragedy, 33 Dead Iraqi’s is a Statistic, and 1 Crazy Gunman is a Tragedy, 200 Dead Iraqi’s is a Statistic — were followed enough to spawn a Facebook group.

3. Ever hated Americans, even if you are one? Then you’ve come to the right place. Even though these posts haven’t become the most popular, they’re a personal favorite of mine. Check out Thoughts of the Average American, Part 1 and Part 2, followed by Soliloquy from Anonymous Middle American.

4. The infamous Travel to the Land of Sheep, which landed us on local radio for an expose in Part one on a Christian rap remix of Baby Got Back (cleverly entitled Baby got Bible). Parts two and three and worthwhile but not nearly as wonderful as Part 1.

5. Continuing on the theme of those cwazy Christians, Peanut Butter, The Atheists Nightmare, is a video produced that thought to dispel Evolution. How, you may ask? Well, by showing that since peanut butter doesn’t evolve, evolution doesn’t exist! I mean, how stupid can you be not to see that?

6. Of course, talking about Christians without talking about their shepherds wouldn’t be fun. Enter Rush Limbaugh, the perpetual foot in mouth fatso who somehow outlived Imus on the airwaves. In Rush the Magic Racist, the unending chronicles of Rush’s perpetual racism are exhibited, including his latest ‘gaffe’, a song called ‘Obama the Magic Negro’.

7. Loose Post 911 Lips: Donald Rumsfeld says in discussing 9/11 that the plane was ‘shot down’ in Pennsylvania. Oops.

8. What is PBH and the consequential mandatory argument with anonymous internet liberal vampires. For years, people have wondered, what is PBH, and why is it so god damn great? But still others wonder, why do you hate women? Well, we don’t necessarily HATE women, we just find it amusing when they get hit in the butt with newspapers by superhero’s. Read Kit’s and Alec’s interpretation of PBH, and read the insuing BLOG MELEE.

9. One of the better serious writings on PBH since the 400 post mark, Filling the Void: Saudi Diplomacy in a Realigned Middle East evaluates the new role of Saudi Arabia in the wake of the Mecca agreements, increased Sunni/Shiite violence in Iraq, and the rise of Iran as a regional power.

10. My definitive prank in high school: I tore down a Valentine’s Day poster in front of a lunch room of 1000 plus and was lucky enough to capture it on video.

Thoughts of the Average American

“The violent deaths of untold thousands of anonymous brown people disturbs me, but I have a televised sing and dance competition to watch.”

“The role of ideologically-driven shadow groups dictating public policy does not bother me”

“That non-threatening colored person running for public office has a nice smile, but I will surely never vote for him.”

“All of this talk of fraud and abuse of power makes me uncomfortable. I need more sexual predators to direct my hate and anger towards.”

“Ever since 9/11 occurred roughly 1500 miles from my place of residence, the idea of people with different skin pigmentation makes me nervous.”

“I believe the national politician when he says the easiest way to combat terrorism is by bombing poverty-stricken civilians in a far away place.”

“Homosexuals and science belong in California and Massachusetts.”

“The invisible outer space superhero of my monotheistic belief system is the best.”

“A life of willful ignorance of my government’s indiscretions is the life for me.”

“An extra-marital affair between two consenting adults is a more impeachable offense than falsifying intelligence to create a regional conflict.”

“When it comes to rational and intelligent discourse, I look to the two screaming people on the national news program.”

“I blame untold millions of foreigners for a stagnant economy and unemployment, rather than an underfunded education system and the mass exodus of multinational corporations from American soil, facilitated by mass funding and corruption of the political system.”

“I don’t care how much it makes sense for my family, I do not want universal health care.”

“A long life of monotonous work has been quickly placated by the commercial with melodramatic music featuring fictional characters I’ve learned to experience my life through.”

“Surely the only way to inform people weary of our global ambitions of our good intentions is by branding their religion as violent and backwards and trampling on their culture as much as possible.”

“I am glad there is finally a fair and balanced media outlet that will pro-actively reinforce my judgments and stereotypes.”

“The discomfort and cognitive dissonance I live with in this country is easily washed down with water mixed with high fructose corn syrup and genetically modified food.”

Hey, free internet idiocy

You want to know why the internet is cool? Because everyone’s a fucking expert. Get a domain, post some flim flam, and you are officially source material for some poor college students thesis paper.

Take this rant on thelastpsychiatrist.com, leading you to believe that a legitimate psychiatrist is informing the general public with his or her BLOG. WRONG. Check out this fabulous piece, which descends into the nether regions of porn viewing, leading into grand yim yammering that concludes that the prevalence of porn and thus masturbation are leading to decreasing birth rates. Well guess what, rookie bi-yatch, the highest correlated variable for declining birth rates is EDUCATION. Specifically female education, and not the kind where there teacher penetrates them with a ruler. If you’re looking for more pontifications on subjects unknown by various anonymous electronic idiots, I suggest America’s Next Top Model Controversy: Glamorizing Violence Against Women? — because nothing says intelligence like charging around, fighting a battle already waged in the 60’s.

If you’re actually looking something interesting / intelligent to read on a blog (I know, it’s possible??), I suggest America Has Become “Politically Radioactive” on Atlantic Review or if you feel like contributing to a lost cause, poke Nancy Pelosi with calls for impeachment.

Anti-Capitalism in Five Minutes or Less

Have you ever wondered why capitalism is an inequitable system that subjugates not only people but the political system they choose even in a democracy, resulting in a hegemonic relationship that makes your government a subsidiary of the economy? Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, money is another resource with finite allocations that necessitate that one person having more means another person having less? Or were you too busy twiddling your D to the latest round of American Idol while buying Hello Kitty toilet paper to notice that your government has been hijacked by rich white males who want to perpetuate their system of control? Either way, Robert Jensen has a nice summary of all things wrong in our stubborn little Western world in ‘Anti-Capitalism in Five Minutes or Less‘.

Capitalism is admittedly an incredibly productive system that has created a flood of goods unlike anything the world has ever seen. It also is a system that is fundamentally (1) inhuman, (2) anti-democratic, and (3) unsustainable. Capitalism has given those of us in the First World lots of stuff (most of it of marginal or questionable value) in exchange for our souls, our hope for progressive politics, and the possibility of a decent future for children.

And with the real nail on the head:

2. Capitalism is anti-democratic

This one is easy. Capitalism is a wealth-concentrating system. If you concentrate wealth in a society, you concentrate power. Is there any historical example to the contrary?

For all the trappings of formal democracy in the contemporary United States, everyone understands that the wealthy dictates the basic outlines of the public policies that are acceptable to the vast majority of elected officials. People can and do resist, and an occasional politician joins the fight, but such resistance takes extraordinary effort. Those who resist win victories, some of them inspiring, but to date concentrated wealth continues to dominate. Is this any way to run a democracy?

If we understand democracy as a system that gives ordinary people a meaningful way to participate in the formation of public policy, rather than just a role in ratifying decisions made by the powerful, then it’s clear that capitalism and democracy are mutually exclusive.

Let’s make this concrete. In our system, we believe that regular elections with the one-person/one-vote rule, along with protections for freedom of speech and association, guarantee political equality. When I go to the polls, I have one vote. When Bill Gates goes the polls, he has one vote. Bill and I both can speak freely and associate with others for political purposes. Therefore, as equal citizens in our fine democracy, Bill and I have equal opportunities for political power. Right?

And of course, the final blow to all you capitulaters and compromisers masquerading as pragmatists (if you loved America, you’d question it’s institutions):

One of the common responses I hear when I critique capitalism is, “Well, that may all be true, but we have to be realistic and do what’s possible.” By that logic, to be realistic is to accept a system that is inhuman, anti-democratic, and unsustainable. To be realistic we are told we must capitulate to a system that steals our souls, enslaves us to concentrated power, and will someday destroy the planet.

Washington Post or the Onion?

The Article: An article in today’s Washington Post by Sam Ghattas entitled “Hezbollah Praises Israeli Report on War”. Oh, really, Mr. Washington Post, what other obvious factoids do you have to report on? Sky is blue, life is hard, and Dick Cheney gets a massive erection every time a brown person dies?

The Text: Hezbollah’s leader praised an Israeli government report that said Israel’s summer war against the guerrillas was a failure. But the Lebanese government criticized the findings, saying the report did not address the massive destruction wrought on this country.

The conflicting comments Wednesday from Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah and Prime Minister Fuad Saniora underlined Lebanon’s own internal political struggle between the militant group and the U.S.-backed government.

Nasrallah, who also criticized his own government’s handling of the war, said the Israeli commission reviewing the Lebanon war vindicated his claim that Israel had been defeated.

“The first important outcome of this commission is that it has finally and officially decided the issue of victory and defeat,” Nasrallah said.

But he also gave his enemy unprecedented praise.

“It is worthy of respect that an investigative commission appointed by (Israeli Prime Minister Ehud) Olmert condemns him,” Nasrallah told a crowd at the opening of a book fair in a south Beirut neighborhood complex that was rebuilt after being leveled by Israeli warplanes during the summer fighting.

“Even though they’re our enemies, it is worthy of respect that the political forces and the Israeli public act quickly to save their state, entity, army and their existence from the crisis,” the Shiite Muslim cleric added.

The 34-day war against Hezbollah guerrillas, during which more than 1,000 Lebanese and nearly 160 Israelis died, has been widely perceived in Israel as a failure. The report said Olmert bore ultimate responsibility, accusing him of poor judgment, hasty decision-making and lack of vision, fueling reports that he may be forced to step down.

In a tough blow to Olmert, Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni called on him to resign. Livni, who enjoys wide public support, also said she would challenge Olmert for leadership of the governing Kadima Party.

Olmert said he intended to stay on to remedy the severe flaws in decision-making and crisis management that a government war probe identified the report.

Nasrallah’s remarks may have been attempt to steer attention away from the dramatic political events unfolding in Israel. Any inflammatory remarks by the Hezbollah leader could buoy Olmert, who faces calls to step down from within his own coalition and has been working feverishly to retain his hold on power since the report’s release earlier this week.

Saniora, meanwhile, did not offer any praise for Israel and instead called on the deeply divided Lebanon to unite. He warned that Israel could be planning future attacks to restore its credibility.

“I call on my Lebanese brothers to unite in the face of what Israel might be seeking to launch against Lebanon,” Saniora said.

Saniora’s government has been facing a campaign by the Hezbollah-led opposition to force it to resign. Hezbollah officials accused the majority of conniving with the Israelis to destroy the pro-Syrian and pro-Iranian guerrillas.

The U.S.-backed Saniora has refused to step down and has demanded that the state should have the sole monopoly on weapons _ a tacit allusion to the ultimate need for Hezbollah to disarm.

Saniora criticized the Israeli report for failing to address the destruction, estimated at more than $5 billion, inflicted on Lebanon by the Israeli air and naval bombardment as well as the ground incursion during the war.

The report on the “unjust war … did not make a single mention of the massive material, human losses and destruction Israel inflicted on Lebanon,” Saniora said.

Nasrallah also took issue with the Lebanese government, which he claims has not taken the steps to investigate its side of conflict.

“When the enemy entity acts honestly and sincerely even if its cause is unjust we cannot but respect it, especially when we look at the other (Lebanese) side which does not investigate, does not study and does not hold (anyone) accountable and does not form investigative commissions as if nothing has happened,” he said.

The militant Hezbollah leader, whose group came under criticism by some Arab governments early on in the fight for triggering the war when it kidnapped two Israeli soldiers in a cross-border raid on July 12, also lamented the divisions within his country and the region.

“It is regretful that we the Arab world and Lebanon are waiting for an Israeli commission to settle for us this dispute and to tell us ‘seriously you have won and we (Israelis) were defeated,'” Nasrallah said.

Analysis: Wow, do we all feel a little bit stupider for having read that? What’s next, an expose by the Iraqi Information Minister of the Saddam Era with a report on how Muhammed is going to drop magic rain on the American Zionist European Colonizers while Olmert bathes himself in the blood of Lebanese children and negative popularity? Though I’m thoroughly impressed that Sam Ghattas could get an article published in the Washington Post to that effect. Next time you want to write if the Red Sox like beating the Yankees, give me a call, I got plenty of fill in the blank answers for your future columns.

And if you’re actually interested in an interesting exploration of this topic, check out On the Face on local reaction, A Blog For All on the Israeli protests, and an extensive post on the crisis faced at the Olmert government. Because god knows you won’t get it from the Post.