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Sincerely bores,
PBH Admins

A Modest Proposal: Let’s Kill All the Koreans and Sell Them As Pet Food to the Chinese

Now I know what everyone is thinking: Great, there’s 32 dead American’s at Virginia Tech now because of some crazy Korean guy, but now, who do I blame it on and where do I transfer all of my lovely hate into something completely negative? Of course there is the usual suspects with the corresponding solutions: Godlessness cured with Bibles under everyone’s asses, foreigners who smell and look funny solved by mass deportations, hippity-hoppity and black culture in general solved by long trousers and correct grammar, violent video games and TV shows smothered with chastity belts and friendly games of UNO, guns and the monkeys who shoot and sell them, and of course Muslims, always the Muslims with their damn Moo-ham-eed and their damn praying. The summation is pretty simple: in a world of instant punditry, not much long term thought goes into proposed policy change when it hinges on knee jerk reactions. And this is where I step in, link-free and full of the most intelligent thinking 48 hours of hindsight can provide:

Let’s kill Koreans, bathe in their blood, and sell them to the Chinese as dog food.

Now, I know your immediate reaction will be all stifled by politically ‘correct’ thinking. ‘Oh that’s so insensitive, you know all they eat is dog meat and Pokemon soup’ — well you’re wrong, they also eat lots of cabbage and I’m guessing calculators. But think about this in the long term: what if there is another Korean anomaly (the first sign should have been that he wasn’t studying computer science or math) who decides he wants to write crazy plays and then act out his crazy plays by shooting beautiful white children in the face? Do you want to have that blood on your hand, because you, dear reader, were held back by a bunch of outdated liberal ideas of ‘integration’, ‘assimilation’, and ‘freedom from being killed and served to the Chinese as dog food’? No, you don’t want that blood on your hand, because American blood is like holy water and it will sting the nostrils and heart from the stench of spilled freedom. And Jesus WILL make your next child a homosexual if you disobey him and I will not allow him or his domestic partner equal access to health care because I’m uncomfortable with the idea of a penis in a butthole!

Onto the logistics. First you may wonder, how will we deal with all the 2 million Koreans in the United States who provide us valuable services such as laundry mats, convenience stores, laundry mats with adjacent/adjoining convenience stores, and Chinese restaurants. As Michelle Malkin would think, we would have to round them up first. What we could offer is a national Pokemon and Dance Dance Revolution competition, at which point we would subdue all 2 million with free Nintendo DS’es and abacuses.

Then it’s off to the meat factory! But why would we sell Koreans as pet food to the Chinese? Well, its simple really: the Chinese screwed us with their polluted and poisoned pet food, killing off millions of dependents for untold millions of American spinsters and freaks, so we’re going to pay them back the only way we know how. With pet food made of dead Koreans.

Of course, there’s a lot of holes in this idea, and I welcome you, WELL-INFORMED AMERICAN JOE PUBLIC, to help me fill in the gaps. And by the way, thanks to all like me who’ve kept a cool head through all of this, because nothing says rational like comparing your tragedy to 9/11.

You’re a Douchebag

So I’m checking out the latest features from style.com via RSS when an interesting one comes through proclaiming: You’re a douchebag. Sounds interesting, a lil low-end chuckle. Until they describe me essentially to the letter:

I’m waiting for a friend at a wine bar and I see that the guy a couple of stools down from me keeps ostentatiously checking the late-model smartphone that lies before him on the granite countertop. He has the all-black Samsung BlackJack, which happens to be the coolest-looking smartphone there is—at least until the iPhone comes out—and he’s wearing jeans that look like they cost $400, and his haircut was probably half that. I also notice that he’s got an expensive- looking European leather briefcase at his feet that he no doubt calls an attaché.

So I skim that article thoughtfully learning about the douchebag culture of which I’ve apparently joined, when I discover something even more unusual near the end:
Continue Reading

33 Dead Americans is a Tragedy, 33 Dead Iraqi’s is a Statistic

While I won’t discount the horrific nature of yesterday’s incidents at Virginia Tech, I’m fairly annoyed by the media coverage surrounding it, considering the level of violence that continues to rage in the Middle East, claiming exactly the same amount of civilian lives a day in Iraq. While I don’t think Americans would on a conscious level weigh a white Westerners life as more important than a brown Middle Easterners, the media has made some serious subconscious decisions for us. The majority of news pages appear as the CNN does, asking how, why, and the amount of terrible violence inflicted by ‘crazy Asian loner guy’:

CNN’s Main Page:

Yet on the same day, 20 Iraqi policemen & recruits were reported executed and a bomb in Baghdad killed 13 (that’s 33 total deaths — the same as the VT shooting — if you’re keeping track). Yet you have to get to the ‘World’ and ‘Middle East’ page of CNN and BBC News respectively if you care to update your Iraq body counts (the CNN’s World page even has it’s front page article as a feature piece on the ‘World Reacts’ to the Virginia Tech Shootings):

BBC’s Middle East Page:

CNN’s World Page:

“One death is a tragedy; a million is a statistic,” spoken by Joseph Stalin is an apt statement for the 1940’s; it’s modern day equivalent may be “One Western death is a tragedy; a million Third World deaths is a statistic”.

My deepest desires, performed on national television

From Malik Shabazz (who has taken Malcolm X’s real name), General Counsel of the New Black Panther Party:

Will you apologize for being a political prostitute for Bill O’Reilly, a white male chauvinist racist?

I like the cut of their jib already:

Most recently, the New Black Panther Party provoked a melee outside of Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney’s campaign headquarters after she had lost a Democratic primary to her opponent, Hank Johnson. The NBPP’s Chief of Staff, Hashim Nzinga, had been acting as security detail for the Congresswoman when, in a volatile confrontation, he physically attacked reporters, derogatorily calling them “Jews” and insisting that they must focus on Hank Johnson rather than on McKinney, since Johnson, he alleged, was a “Tom”. [7] In a subsequent appearance on the Fox News Channel program Hannity & Colmes, Nzinga vociferously defended these actions and further accused his interviewers of being part of a Zionist media complex bent on defaming African-Americans and, by extension, the New Black Panthers.