Lay off the hip hop, stick to the unauthorized attorney firings

Holy christ, this is painful to watch — it’s MC Karl Rove dancing to Diet Eminem at the Press Club Dinner, the annual Washington DC event where all the uptight white protestants with power (read: executive branch) get all humble and ‘down’ with the slightly less uptight but more spineless white protestants (read: media — and you thought I was going to say Democrats, didn’t you!). When Alberto Gonzales and Rove slow dance, who takes the lead?

Travel Special: Land of the Sheep part 2

We’re excited to say that we managed to get a great response to the first part of this series, as it was featured on one of DC’s hottest morning shows: Kane in the Morning on Hot 99.5! So back by popular demand is our Travel Special: Land of the Sheep.

The investigation into the backers of GodTube is not yet completed, but we do expect to bring new and exclusive information to you soon, so “don’t touch that dial” as they say in radio land.

Today I’d like to invite my followers into the Church of the iPod. Our pastor is teaching the theology of the iPod and Apple. Specific topics include creating trendy trinkets, wasting countless dollars on materialistic consumer goods, and listening to Christian Rap. This guy has a winner. Apparently this is a 30 second spot for an actual sermon series that took place last year in Houston. Rock on GodTube!

Peanut Butter, The Atheist’s Nightmare!

Finally, my PROOF! God, I needed this. All of my friends have been all up in arms about ‘science‘ this, ‘science‘ that. Well I don’t NEED science, I got G-O-D on my side. And he is tall and white and has not yet committed adultery or molested a child as proven by a jury of his peers. So you know what, all you HIGH and MIGHTY thinkers, science may be all ‘factual’ and ‘proven’ and ‘thought out’, but I only need one FABLE, and that’s the Bible. God’s word, spoken straight through the mouth hole of a bastard Jew child who liked carpentry. I mean, what makes sense, a 2000 year old super hero or tested ‘theory‘ and ‘science‘? Jesus is the best, and if you don’t think so, he’ll poke your eye out and kick Allah in the testicles at the same time.

Travel Special: Land of Sheep part 1

This week the travel editor will be comin’ at ya like Cleopatra as your shepherd into the Land of Sheep. Thanks to our good friends over at Shoutmouth for cluing us into this layup of a story.

First, the background. There’s a new social video service, a la YouTube out there on the block named GodTube: Broadcast Him. To date, we’re unsure of the specific financiers of the station although the initial media buzz surrounding this story has reportedly been sponsored by conservative powerhouse, FOXNews. As soon as we have a few minutes, you can guarantee we will be conducting a full expose into the real backers, but until then, we’ll just let you wonder (Ted Haggard’s meth sponsored penance?)

Each day we’ll be bringing you a sampling of some of the great stuff we find there. Don’t be scared that you won’t enjoy it if you aren’t a devout Christian. But DO be scared that it’ll start forcing you to think about the goddamn issues and pick up a bible. Whether you like it or not.

Here’s our first clip, a derivative on one of my favorite tracks of all time. We’ll call this one: Baby Got Bible. Choice lines include: “So ladies… Ladies… Do you wanna save people from hades?” And after watching this, DEFINITELY.

dear government

tell me this is a big joke on us.

sincerely yours,
current non-attentive citizens