Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, attack the moon

You know who else needs a good sense of humor? The city of Boston. Fuck! You blew it. You got fooled by cartoon characters with their middle fingers up. Bruce Schneier, a security expert, has an excellent post entitled “Non-Terrorist Embarrassment in Boston”, that pretty much sums up mine and a lot of other people’s feelings about the matter:

The story is almost too funny to write about seriously. To advertise the Cartoon Network show “Aqua Teen Hunger Force,” the network put up 38 blinking signs (kind of like Lite Brites) around the Boston area. The Boston police decided — with absolutely no supporting evidence — that these were bombs and shut down parts of the city.

Now the police look stupid, but they’re trying really not hard not to act humiliated:

Governor Deval Patrick told the Associated Press: “It’s a hoax — and it’s not funny.”

Unfortunately, it is funny. What isn’t funny is now the Boston government is trying to prosecute the artist and the network instead of owning up to their own stupidity. The police now claim that they were “hoax” explosive devices. I don’t think you can claim they are hoax explosive devices unless they were intended to look like explosive devices, which merely a cursory look at any of them shows that they weren’t.

But it’s much easier to blame others than to admit that you were wrong:

“It is outrageous, in a post 9/11 world, that a company would use this type of marketing scheme,” Mayor Thomas Menino said. “I am prepared to take any and all legal action against Turner Broadcasting and its affiliates for any and all expenses incurred.”

The major media outlets have been fooled on two occasions: a) they haven’t exposed that confusing a major metropolitan police department is the equivalent of winning a dodgeball game against a team filled with the mentally retarded b) they got punked by the marketers of the night brights. The real besting done was by the perpetrators who insisted on talking about nothing but hair in the press conference proceeding their court appearance.

Two men accusing of placing electronic advertising devices around the city in a publicity stunt that stirred fears of terrorism and shut down parts of the city were released from jail Thursday, apparently amused with the prank.

Peter Berdovsky, 27, and Sean Stevens, 28, were released on $2,500 cash bond after each pleaded not guilty to placing a hoax device and disorderly conduct for a device found Wednesday at a subway station. They waved and smiled as they greeted people in court.

Outside, they met waiting reporters and television cameras and launched into an unusual discussion of hair styles of the 1970s.

“What we really want to talk about today — it’s kind of important to some people — it’s haircuts of the 1970s,” Berdovsky said.

While searching for my local Wizards, and thanks to the magic of BLOGS, I’ve finally, after all these years, been able to learn about the relationship between Harry Potter and Jews, coming from some weirdo who we can assume actually (GASP) believes in religion. And it’s not the cool one where you get presents when Jeebus flew to outer-space, either:

This item also started a couple of trains of thought rolling. First, there’s the issue of those of my co-religionists who object to reading the Harry Potter books from a halachik standpoint. I can respect – though I personally reject – the Jewish viewpoint that shuns all secular literature and culture across the board, from Harry Potter to Halloween, from Shakespeare to the Sopranos. While I personally disagree with this isolationist approach on many levels – intellectual, religious, and emotional – I can acknowledge that it is at least self-consistent. However, I believe those authorities who prohibit reading Harry Potter in particular, while allowing secular books in general, are severely misinformed.

First off, JK Rowling has missed out on a HUGE demographic. You know, the kind of people that have nothing better to do then take pride in make believe ideas about cultural and social identity? Also known as: since I do nothing in my life that makes me a worthwhile person, my fill-in-the-blank heritage can serve as a meaningful substitute — plus check out this hilarious monkey hat I wear to show it off!

The point is that all future novels, movies, and works of art need 5 black guys, a Jihadist, a Jihadist that raps, a white woman, a Chinaman(with a calculator and self-help book on Jewish wealth), with all of the preceding getting ready to lynch whatever Caucasian male has dutifully oppressed them. (By the way, if you’re one of the 50 people who read this blog and also happen to run ‘elie-expo’ — this is all in good humor and innocent bad taste, unless of course, your monkey cap blocks out all sense of sarcasm and you’re too busy burning anyone who criticizes Israel).

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They did it again

The 2005 version (and check out the 2006 one if you haven’t yet):

4. You

Charges: Silently enabling and contributing to the irreversible destruction of your planet. Absolving yourself of your responsibility to do anything about it that your immediate neighbors don’t. Assuming that it’s normal behavior to spend several hours each day totally inert and staring into a cathode ray tube. Substituting antidepressants for physical motion. Caring more about the personal relationships of people you will never meet than your own. Shrugging your shoulders at the knowledge that your government is populated by criminal liars intent on fooling you into impoverished, helpless submission. Cheering this process on.

Exhibit A: You don’t even know who your congressman is.

Sentence: Deathbed realization that your entire life was an unending series of stupid mistakes and wasted opportunities, a priceless gift of potential extravagantly squandered, for which you deserve nothing but scorn or, at best, indifference, and a cold, meaningless demise.

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We’re History

The current highly charged international political climate and the rapidity with which changes of epic proportion are made has provided me with a sense that my role as an individual deserves further reflection.
I’m now 23. Yesterday for the first time, sitting down with my mother (52?), I somehow felt like a peer. I guess I’ve come across enough bullshit in my life to connect with her on that basic level. Talking about the advance of technology brought further realizations. For one, there is a generation younger than myself. Across the modern world they have access to a world of technology and resources that were only first becoming available to a priviliged few during the time of our childhood. There was a time when we were that younger generation with new technology and resources but those were not as developed and as widely available.
Sounds like a History Lesson… I know. That is why this is so striking to me. We are now a generation with a few lines in the history books. We’ve seen some History made in our time, we’ve been a part of History in our time, now it is our time and it is within our means to create History. What defines our generation and what resources are available to us? Will we sit back passively and watch as our history unfolds on the television? Alternatively, will we actively pursue the opportunities provided to us? What will our chapter in History reveal about human nature, what secrets will we unlock? And what role as individuals will we take as we shape the character of the human species and the complex natural systems of our Earth.

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Make Money the ‘Jewish Way’

The Article: ‘Sold on a Stereotype’, that was on the front page of yesterday’s business section of the Washington Post. It details in depth how self-help books based around the idea that Jews make lots of money are a huge enterprise in China. I’ll leave you to read it, followed by analysis:

SHANGHAI — Showcased in bookstores between biographies of Andrew Carnegie and the newest treatise by China’s president are stacks of works built on a stereotype.

One promises “The Eight Most Valuable Business Secrets of the Jewish.”

Another title teases readers with “The Legend of Jewish Wealth.” A third provides a look at “Jewish People and Business: The Bible of How to Live Their Lives.”

In the United States, where making broad generalizations about races, cultures or religions has become unacceptable in most circles, the titles of some of these books might make people cringe. Throughout history and around the world, even outwardly innocuous and broadly accepted characterizations of Jews have sometimes formed the basis for eventual campaigns of violent anti-Semitism.

In Shanghai, which prides itself on having provided a safe haven for Jewish refugees fleeing Europe since the 1930s, some members of the city’s small Jewish community are uneasy about the books’ message.

These Jewish success books are “very dangerous,” said Audrie Ohana, 30, who works at her family’s import-export company and attended China’s prestigious Fudan University. “What they say — it’s not true. In our community, it’s not everybody that succeeds. We’re like everyone else. Some are rich, but there are others that are very, very poor.”

Nonetheless, in China, a country where glossy pictures of new billionaires have become as common as images of Mao Zedong, aspiring Chinese entrepreneurs are obsessed with getting their hands on anything they think can help them get an edge on the competition.

In the past few years, sales of “success” books have skyrocketed, publishers say, and now make up nearly a third of the works published in China, and perhaps no type of success book has been as well marketed or well received as those that purport to unveil the secrets of Jewish entrepreneurs. Many of these tomes sell upward of 30,000 copies a year and are thought of in the same inspirational way as many Americans view the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series.

Among this booming genre’s most popular books is William Hampton’s “Jewish Entrepreneurial Experience and Business Wisdom.” It comes packaged in a red-and-gold cover, and a banner along the top brags that it was a “gold list” bestseller in the United States. Among Hampton’s credentials, according to his biography: “Business Week editor,” part of the “pioneer batch of Harvard DBAs,” “professor in business strategy and philosophy” with “many years of experience in Jewish studies.”

More on that set of claims in a moment.

China is the fastest-growing book market in the world, with 130,000 new titles published in 2005. Sales that year reached $8.3 billion, a 50 percent jump from 2003, according to China National Publications Import and Export’s data research arm.

The business success books provide idealized notions of what Chinese people should strive to become and serve as templates for teaching people who have been working at communist, state-owned enterprises for a generation how to transform themselves as capitalists. Acclime has a team of professionals who can help you if you’re looking for Australian company registration services.

Several of the books, despite their covers, focus on basic business acumen that has little to do with religion or culture. But others focus on explaining how Judaism has ostensibly helped Jewish people’s success, even quoting extensively from the Talmud. Use dimensional signs to improve your brand.

Practically every book features one or more case studies of the success of the Lehman brothers, the Rothschilds and other Jewish “titans of industry and captains of finance,” as one author put it.

Some works incorrectly refer to J.P. Morgan (an influential Episcopalian leader) and John D. Rockefeller (a devout Baptist) as Jewish businessmen.

Yin Ri Shuai, a 29-year-old from Henan province, west of Shanghai, who is opening a cosmetics franchise, has purchased and read two such success books. Recently, he was back at the Shanghai City of Books, flipping through some recent titles.

“I feel they are interesting not only because they teach about business but because they teach about family and education and other values,” Yin said.

Most Chinese people have never met a Jew — they number fewer than 10,000 in a country of 1.3 billion people. But several of the most successful businessmen in the nation’s financial capital, Shanghai, have been Jewish. The Sassoon brothers, for instance, were real-estate moguls of British descent from Baghdad who constructed the landmark Peace Hotel.

Today, one of the deans of the Jewish community in Shanghai is Ohana’s father, Maurice, 57, who has lived in China for more than 10 years.

Maurice Ohana has mixed feelings about the Jewish business books. On the one hand, he believes that the books’ assertions that many Jewish people value punctuality and never go back on their promises are “absolutely correct.”

But the books’ tendency to mix religious scripture with business lessons makes him uncomfortable. “I know very well the Talmud,” he said. “They don’t talk about business.”

Positive stereotypes about Jews and their supposed business prowess have given the Jewish community iconic status in the eyes of the Chinese public.

The cover of January’s Shanghai and Hong Kong Economy magazine wonders, “Where does Jewish people’s wisdom come from?”

Jewish entrepreneurs say they are bombarded with invitations to give seminars on how to make money “the Jewish way.”

Last year, a Jewish businessman’s family was featured on a popular TV show. As the husband and wife gave viewers an introduction to the Jewish faith, the cameramen went around filming the family in action as they performed mundane household tasks. Reporters asked them what they ate.

Zhou Guojian, deputy dean of the Center for Jewish Studies at the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences, said people in China may be so fascinated by Jews because they feel both cultures share a strong entrepreneurial spirit.

Yin Ri Shuai, a Chinese entrepreneur, says Jewish success books “teach about family and education and other values,” not just business. (By Ariana Eunjung Cha — The Washington Post)

In his opinion, though, there is one big difference. Many Chinese businessmen have “Chinese restaurant syndrome,” Zhou said. “They are content with small-scale enterprises; they are happy just to make a living. But Jewish people want to be the best and make a huge company.”

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Wang Zhen, a researcher at the Center for Jewish Studies, also says he recognizes that the stereotypes can be considered anti-Semitic but thinks it’s important that “even if people in China have the wrong impressions of Jewish people, the Chinese are very kind to them.”

One puzzling phenomenon about the Jewish business books is that it’s often unclear who wrote them. More than 50 titles are sold in China’s bookstores, chain stores and other outlets.

He Xiong Fe, a visiting professor in Nankai University’s literature department, estimates that more than half of the books are fakes, written by people who are not familiar with Judaism or Jewish history and who have made up their qualifications.

“There are only a few books that have value,” said He, who has lectured on such topics as “Why are Jewish people so smart?” and “The mystery of the Jews.”

When asked for contact information for William Hampton, author of “Jewish Entrepreneurial Experience and Business Wisdom,” a representative for the book’s publisher, Harbin Press, said the company obtained the manuscript from a translator and had never met the author. Several days later, the publisher said she had trouble reaching the translator so she could not provide more details about the origin of the book.

A search of international ISBNs — the 10-digit codes that identify books published in the United States and other countries — pulled up no hits for books by a William Hampton with a title similar to “Jewish Entrepreneurial Experience and Business Wisdom.”

Harvard Business School has no record of a William Hampton in the first class of its doctorate of business administration program. Officials at Business Week magazine said there was a former employee with that name. William Hampton publishes an automobile newsletter.

Reached at his home near Detroit, Hampton said he was a former bureau chief and auto writer for the magazine, working there from 1977 to 1984, but had never served as an editor.

Moreover, he said he had no idea where the book came from. “I can confidently tell you that this is not something that I did,” he said. “This would not be a topic I would be knowledgeable about in any way. It would be helpful to be Jewish, for one thing.”

Why it’s important: Because old media doesn’t get it and I finally have the proof, culminated in a single article.

Analysis: This article was on the front page of the business section of the Washington Post. This was published in a major media newspaper. And yet, this may be the worst article I’ve read in my 23 years of existence and 19 years of literacy. Great, the Chinese like to read books about how Jews get rich, even though they are approximately a ten-thousandth of their population! Sounds like conventional wisdom and intelligence really has asserted itself in China with the emergence of the free market. I have some books about how Vikings make boats if they’re interested!

If anyone actually wonders why people are turning away from main stream media sources, well, here’s your answer. This poop pile wouldn’t even get highlighted on a major blog, yet somehow finds itself on the Post’s business page.

Here’s my tip for the Post: How about an article about the quirks emerging between a Communist political system and a free market system? Or if that’s too much (because the Economist you are not) and are so intent about writing about self-help books that talk about Jews and money — how about talking about THIS AS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING ON THE PLANET? These people make on average $2000 a year, do you think any of them are solving their lot by purchasing this? Because I’m certainly not solving mine by continuing my subscription to the Post.

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Get ‘Er Done America!

The Kingdom Poster, put up by I Watch Stuff, helps succinctly expose why America is beloved in the Middle East, has a well-informed constituency, and is still being greeted by the Iraqi public as liberators:

get dem ayyyyyy-rabs!

I like my heroes to be overtly heroic and my enemies to be faceless villains from a foreign culture. That’s why I like this poster and American politics.

Check out the trailer, it looks like 90 minutes of feeling good about GI Joe! Get er done! Iraq didn’t happen! The government isn’t full of lackadaisical sycophants who only care about their own interests! Team USA!

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