The Siren Sound of Love

If you’re DISTURBED ENOUGH to go out with me, I’ll take ya.

420 smoking single male here, fat, but handsome, and depressed. Well to do banker type.

This woman I dated recently liked it when I pretended to be her ‘daddy,’ which was a new experience for me. Sometimes she wanted to be spanked, sometimes she wanted to be sweet-talked and cuddled. Hell’s bells, I liked it.

Look, it’s not that I wouldn’t rather have a normal relationship with an upbeat girl who doesn’t have depression issues. I’m entitled to companionship and sex just like everyone else. Absolutely no apologies here.

So, if you’re a female nut job whom nobody else wants, and you’re lonely, consider getting in touch with me. I might be able to do something for you, at least temporarily.

I mean, why the HELL not?

Let’s hit emotional bottom together. That way, there’ll be nowewhere else to go but up.

The Black Sox of Foreign Intervention

Hey, free candy.

Someone figured out my MySpace strategy. Fuck!

PoMo Sluts

“It’s just so like, like, you know, like, hypocritical, like if a guy sleeps around, he’s like, a like, player, but if a girl does it, she’s like, a total slut’

If you’ve ever gone to college, you’ve probably heard that sentence numerous times spouted from the mouth of angsty, philosophically underdeveloped females. After numerous discussions, I’ve decided to evaluate the individuals that make this statement:

1) Sluts. You know who doesn’t like being called sluts? Sluts. If someone referred to you as a slut, and you felt ashamed for your behavior, guess what? You’re probably not rejecting the pretenses and complexities of gender or being mislabeled by the overarching masculine consciousness ingrained by our society. You’re actually probably just a slut. The actions of others don’t justify yours.

2) The fat/insecure girl. This homosapien can either be a slut, a slut crony, or a slut wanna-be (also see the Domino Effect for more observations on the slut group interactions). Slutiness may be impaired by inability to catch males due to unattractiveness or weight problems. However, these impairments may be equalized by indulgence of alcohol that may turn the slut crony or wanna-be into a man predator.

(by the way, the site that I ripped this off states, “FRIENDS ARE ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR WINGS HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING HOW TO FLY”)

3) Intellectual females who defend girls right to ‘regain their sexuality’ but aren’t attractive enough to get laid. See also people that fail to acknowledge that feminism died the day I saw Britney Spear’s vagina on CNN.

Conclusion: Girls can be sluts, guys can be sluts: reclaiming, regaining, or any other feminist buzz words that became irrelevant after the 1960’s aren’t intelligent enough reasons to excuse you’re behavior. If you’re promiscuous to the point that others openly wonder about the amount of birth control you take or how many STD’s your genitalia possibly houses, you’re probably not a victim of the modern age, but just a good ol’ slut. You may think of me as a prude or reactionary, but I doubt that Betty Friedan and Germaine Greer were burning their bras so a woman could enjoy their Friday nights blacking out and consequently regaining their ‘sexuality’ by spending the night getting double teamed by random frat guys and having the next 24 hours to go to CVS to pick up RU-486 (or, the next 3 days for Plan B).

Iranian Involvement in the Iraqi Civil War