Occupy John Wall Street: A 2012 NBA Season Preview

It’s not fair. This should be the most cherry of holiday seasons for Kris Humphries. A morality play on the hard court. That if you worked hard, if you were patient, life would be grand.

Kris Humphries did his time. He paid his dues riding the pine in the NBA hinterlands. One year in Utah. Three in Toronto. He did not complain when Dallas dealt him to New Jersey. He kept grinding. He found his post-game. He found true love. By season’s end, Kris Humphries was a double-double juggernaut on the court who went home to Kim Kardashian off it.

The Nets lavished him with an $8 million deal. E! feted him with a splashy $20 million wedding. And all was right in the world.

For 72 days.

Kim filed for divorce. Maybe he couldn’t take the paparazzi glare. Or maybe she couldn’t live in Minnesota. But ten weeks later, she wanted the divorce. And she wanted to keep that $2 million engagement ring, too.

Yet the Madison Square Garden fans couldn’t resist. “We want Humphries! We want Humphries!” they roared. They demanded the Nets put Kris Humphries back in the game so they could heckle him some more.

It didn’t matter that she dumped him. Or that he was a forgettable big-man in a forgettable preseason game. Such is the fate for the NBA’s new most hated player. Whose “crime” in the court public opinion was being divorced by Kim Kardashian. A shameless self-promoter—famous for being famous—who parlayed a sex-tape into a multi-billion dollar empire.

Welcome to Bizzaro World NBA! Where the Clippers are The Team in LA. Where Kobe’s marriage, front court, and wrist ligament lie in tatters. And where Ron Artest, while still insane, is now Metta World Peace.

Welcome to the 2011-2012 NBA! A mangled, jangled, back-to-back-back scheduling frenzy anathema to aging, balky knees in Boston and San Antonio. A frenetic 66 games in 123 days. Or 51 days longer than Kris Humphries’ marriage. A dervish fortnight of free agency, two game preseason, and the great basketball diaspora of 2011.

A cultural scattering that spread the game across the globe with varying results. The Turkish Besiktas team raised Deron Williams’ jersey to the rafters—after 15 games. Meanwhile, in China, Kenyon Martin burned through three personal chefs, tweeted his homesickness for Wendy’s, and is barred from playing in the NBA until March.