The 25 Best Simpsons Quotes, Moments, And General Hilarity
9. Set your clock to the jock’s haircut:
Grandma: His wild, untamed facial hair revealed a new world of rebellion, of change. A world where doors were open for women like me. But Abe was stuck in his button-down plastic-fantastic Madison Avenue scene.
Abe: Look at them sideburns! He looks like a girl. Now, Johnny Unitas — there’s a haircut you could set your watch to.
Is my lip supposed to bleed like this, football star Johnny Unitas?
10. Sideshow Bob explains everyone’s hidden desire for draconian Republican politics:
Bob: Because you need me, Springfield. Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down inside you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king. That’s why I did this: to protect you from yourselves.
11. The Worlds Smartest Man: Larry Flynt
Council: Stephen Hawking!
Skinner: The world’s smartest man!
Lisa: What are you doing here?
Hawking: I wanted to see your utopia, but now I see it is more of a Fruitopia.
Skinner: I’m sure what Dr. Hawking means is —
Hawking: Silence. I don’t need anyone to talk for me, except this voice box. You have clearly been corrupted by power. For shame.
Homer: Larry Flynt is right! You guys stink!
12. Vegetarianism is for commies.
Lisa: Wait Dad! Good news, everyone! You don’t have to eat meat! I’ve got enough gazpacho for everyone. [Crowd murmurs.] It’s tomato soup, served ice cold!
[Crowd laughs out loud.]
Barney: Go back to Russia!
13. Can you lend me a jar of love?
Kirk: Oh, my demo tape!
Homer: [Homer examines the tape] “Can I Borrow a Feeling?”
[laughing] “Can I Borrow a Feeling?”
[continues laughing] That’s your picture on the front…
[still laughing]
Kirk: Go ahead, Homer, laugh at me.
Homer: I already did.
14. The Infinite Power of DJ Robots
Boss: Look, our ratings are down, and the station is being swamped with angry calls and letter-bombs. And it’s all your fault!
Bill: Yes it is, ma’am.
Boss: This is the DJ 3000. It plays CDs automatically, and it has three distinct varieties of inane chatter.
[presses a button]
DJ 3000: Hey, hey. How about that weather out there?
Woah! That was the caller from hell.
Well, hot dog! We have a weiner.
Bill: Man, that thing’s great!
Marty: Don’t praise the machine!
Boss: If you don’t get that kid an elephant by tomorrow, the DJ 3000 gets your job.
[Marty punches it]
DJ 3000: Those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns.
Bill: [laughs] How does it keep up with the news like that?
15. Candy Apple Island — what’s there!??!
Karl: Hey, I heard we’re goin’ to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape.
Karl: I wished we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Karl: Apes. But they’re not so big.
16. Crab juice does sound better
Homer: Now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice.
Homer: Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I’ll take a crab juice.
17. I was personally spanked by both George Sr. and George Jr.
Homer: He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson?
Bart: I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.
Abe: Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions.
Marge: Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don’t believe in that kind of punishment.
Abe: And that’s why your no-good kids are running wild!
[points at Lisa, who is reading quietly]
What a great list. I’m also a huge fan of the Simpsons (also particularly seasons 5-10) and I wanted to share a few of my favorites (most involve burns). I could go on forever, so I’ll leave it as short as possible:
Lenny: Dental plan!
Marge: Lisa needs braces!
Bart: Allow me to read to you from my play: ‘Kippers for breakfast Aunt Helga! ‘s it St Swivens Day already?’ ”tis!’ replied Aunt Helga.
Mr.Burns: Use the amnesia ray!
Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr.Burns: Precisely. Be sure to wipe your own memory clear when you’re finished.
Burns: You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate, and re-vulcanize my tires, post-haste
Burns: Smithers, have the Rolling Stones killed.
Burns: I thought I’d chauffeur myself this evening.Yes, that’s what I thought. How difficult could it be? I’m sure the manual will indicate which lever is the velocitator and which the deceleratrix.
Burns: You call this Postum? You call this a tax return? You call this a super computer?
Burns’ Grandfather: The Japanese!? Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders?
Burns: If only we had listened to that young man instead of walling him up in the abandoned coke oven.
Sea Captain: Arh, not a quarter! He’ll be dancin’ for hours!
Lionel Hutz: Care to join me in a belt of scotch?
Marge: But it’s 10:30 in the morning.
Hutz: Yeah, but I haven’t slept in days.
Scorpio: You will notice, my new best friend, that we are pretty casual around here.
Homer: Yes, sir. I will notice that. Very casual, Mr. Scorpion.
Scorpio: Don’t call me that. It’s Mr. Scorpio, but don’t call me that either. Call me Hank!
Lionel Hutz: Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.”
Homer: Hello, my name is Mr Burns, I believe you have a letter for me?
Clerk: OK Mr Burns, what’s your first name?
Homer: I don’t know.
[…] never heard any reputable conservative guests featured on the shows. It was all standard DJ 3000 fare, with a lot of hootin’ and hollerin’ and clown horn noises and three distinct […]
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Digg by casspa: McBain has the best Woody Allen impression of all-time….
I like the German Canyonero choice
=== popurls.com === popular today…
yeah! this story has entered the popular today section on popurls.com…
[…] The Top 25 Simpsons Moments – prose before hos […]
Carl : aren’t you guys going to ask me about my hat?
Lenny: what’s with the hat?
Carl: oh what…this thing?
Moe: Ooooh, ‘garage’ la de dah
Homer: Why? What do you call it.
*pause*
Moe: Car hole.
Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further. [paused shot of Homer grows larger] No, Mr. Simpson, don’t take your anger out on me. Get back! Get back! Mist — Mr. Simpson — nooo!
Notice how all these quotes are from before season 8 or so. The Simpsons just aren’t the same any more…
Some of these are from the same episode. I suspect lazy journalism!
Well, crying isn’t gonna bring him back … unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog.
I’ve just visited about 20 different web pages that mention great Simpsons quotes and I can’t believe I haven’t come accross this one yet:
Innocent child on stage in front of all the parents: my ding-a-ling my ding-a-ling I want you to play with my ding-a-ling
Skinner as he yanks the child of the stage: this sketch is over!!
Moe: You shoulda thought of that before giving me the ol’ sugarmedo.
Martin: Here’s a tip, put a pinch of sage in your boots and all day long a spicy scent is your reward.
[…] PlayStation Network Regular Scheduled Maintenance – “Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones.” […]
[…] PlayStation Network Regular Scheduled Maintenance – “Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones.” […]
I always loved, “Next on Wings!… eh, who cares?”
“I want to set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute!”
[…] The 25 Best Simpsons Quotes And Moments | Prose Before Hos […]
Great…
Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine some unrelated data, nonetheless truly worth taking a look, whoa did one understand about Mid East has got more problerms at the same time…
Great…
Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine some unrelated data, nonetheless truly worth taking a look, whoa did one understand about Mid East has got more problerms at the same time…
Google…
[…]Here are a number of the web sites we advise for our visitors[…]…
The Abundance Code Review…
[…]Every once inside a while we pick out blogs that we study. Listed beneath are the most recent web-sites that we pick […]…
Jaipur Classifieds…
[…]although sites we backlink to below are considerably not associated to ours, we feel they may be basically really worth a go by means of, so possess a look[…]…
wizard of oz slots machine…
[…]just beneath, are a lot of absolutely not related web sites to ours, on the other hand, they may be certainly worth going over[…]…
new song 2013…
[…]Here are several of the web-sites we advocate for our visitors[…]…
Awesome website…
Excellent weblog right here! Additionally your site quite a bit up very fast…
Moving companies in DC…
[…]that is the finish of this post. Here you?ll come across some web pages that we think you?ll value, just click the hyperlinks over[…]…
registry cleaner windows xp…
[…]usually posts some pretty intriguing stuff like this. If you?re new to this site[…]…
fortune of the pharaohs slot machine…
[…]we like to honor quite a few other online websites on the net, even when they aren?t linked to us, by linking to them. Below are some webpages really worth checking out[…]…
ghost pirates…
[…]that is the end of this article. Right here you?ll find some websites that we believe you?ll enjoy, just click the hyperlinks over[…]…
paintings to buy…
[…]Every when inside a when we opt for blogs that we study. Listed beneath are the most recent web pages that we decide on […]…
Calgary Web Design…
[…]we like to honor quite a few other world-wide-web websites on the net, even though they aren?t linked to us, by linking to them. Beneath are some webpages really worth checking out[…]…
under the sea slot review…
[…]that may be the end of this article. Right here you will discover some web pages that we assume you will value, just click the links over[…]…
best insurance…
[…]always a big fan of linking to bloggers that I appreciate but really don’t get a good deal of link love from[…]…
simplepressrelease.com…
[…]always a significant fan of linking to bloggers that I enjoy but do not get a lot of link adore from[…]…
bridal makeup…
[…]just beneath, are quite a few completely not connected sites to ours, nonetheless, they may be certainly worth going over[…]…
read self-motivation articles…
[…]below you?ll obtain the link to some sites that we believe you ought to visit[…]…
Alpharetta Georgia Onsite Computer Repair…
[…]one of our guests recently advised the following website[…]…
instagram followers…
[…]although sites we backlink to below are considerably not associated to ours, we really feel they are in fact really worth a go by means of, so possess a look[…]…
gain instagram likes…
[…]we came across a cool web page which you might get pleasure from. Take a appear in case you want[…]…
Internet Marketing Resources…
[…]check beneath, are some absolutely unrelated web sites to ours, having said that, they’re most trustworthy sources that we use[…]…
lan wireless network…
[…]Sites of interest we’ve a link to[…]…
pet food…
[…]we came across a cool web-site that you just could possibly love. Take a appear when you want[…]…
li-da slimming…
[…]here are some links to web sites that we link to simply because we assume they’re worth visiting[…]…
Billige Glattejern GHD…
[…]below you?ll obtain the link to some web sites that we believe it is best to visit[…]…
songkran 2013…
[…]please go to the web-sites we stick to, including this one particular, because it represents our picks in the web[…]…
calories…
[…]The info mentioned inside the report are several of the very best obtainable […]…
squeeze page…
[…]please go to the sites we follow, like this one, because it represents our picks from the web[…]…
IT services NYC…
[…]The information mentioned within the write-up are several of the very best available […]…
get youtube views…
[…]Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine a handful of unrelated data, nonetheless truly worth taking a appear, whoa did one particular study about Mid East has got much more problerms also […]…
Gems {from the|in the|from your|through the|with the|within the} {internet|web|world wide web|net|online|world-wide-web|online world|word wide web|on-line|on line|web-based}…
extremely few web sites that come to pass to become precise beneath, from our standpoint are definitely very well worth looking at…
Games…
[…]Here are several of the sites we recommend for our visitors[…]…
Level 4 Logos Quiz Answers…
[…]Here are some of the websites we advocate for our visitors[…]…
get facebook fans…
[…]although internet sites we backlink to below are considerably not related to ours, we really feel they may be in fact worth a go through, so have a look[…]…
siempre nuevos…
[…]that could be the finish of this post. Right here you?ll uncover some web pages that we feel you will appreciate, just click the links over[…]…
get twitter followers…
[…]here are some hyperlinks to sites that we link to due to the fact we believe they are really worth visiting[…]…
reviews of double oven gas ranges…
[…]Every as soon as in a when we pick blogs that we read. Listed beneath would be the most recent web sites that we select […]…
cellular interceptor…
[…]Sites of interest we have a link to[…]…
Zalando gutschein 10€…
[…]very few sites that take place to be comprehensive beneath, from our point of view are undoubtedly properly really worth checking out[…]…
bread maker reviews…
[…]one of our visitors not too long ago recommended the following website[…]…
lowongan Bangka Belitung…
[…]here are some hyperlinks to sites that we link to for the reason that we consider they may be really worth visiting[…]…
volunteer in nepal…
[…]The information talked about inside the post are some of the ideal readily available […]…
registry defrag…
[…]below you?ll find the link to some web pages that we feel you need to visit[…]…
franchise pizza…
[…]that will be the finish of this article. Here you will locate some web pages that we consider you?ll value, just click the links over[…]…
Watch Texas Chainsaw 3D Online…
[…]although web-sites we backlink to below are considerably not connected to ours, we really feel they’re really worth a go through, so possess a look[…]…
Dentist Aliso Viejo…
[…]we came across a cool website that you just might get pleasure from. Take a search in the event you want[…]…
graphic design services…
[…]please pay a visit to the sites we follow, which includes this one particular, as it represents our picks through the web[…]…
Tattoo Shops in Dallas, TX…
[…]one of our guests a short while ago recommended the following website[…]…
stay at home jobs…
[…]Here are a number of the sites we recommend for our visitors[…]…
click here…
[…]we like to honor many other online web pages around the internet, even if they aren?t linked to us, by linking to them. Beneath are some webpages really worth checking out[…]…
Rolande Ridgway…
[…]just beneath, are a lot of absolutely not connected websites to ours, even so, they’re surely worth going over[…]…
Cheri Modrak…
[…]Every after in a when we decide on blogs that we read. Listed beneath would be the most up-to-date websites that we pick […]…
visit this site…
[…]always a massive fan of linking to bloggers that I appreciate but don?t get lots of link adore from[…]…
Damion Spuler…
[…]here are some links to sites that we link to mainly because we feel they may be worth visiting[…]…
body rubs…
[…]Every as soon as in a while we opt for blogs that we read. Listed beneath would be the most recent web sites that we pick […]…
li-da google…
[…]one of our guests recently proposed the following website[…]…
new home comfort…
[…]check below, are some absolutely unrelated websites to ours, nevertheless, they’re most trustworthy sources that we use[…]…
Employment Ulster…
[…]that could be the finish of this post. Right here you?ll find some internet sites that we assume you will value, just click the links over[…]…